Should you have sex on a second date? And why? Is it better than on first date or third date? These are just some of the questions guys (and girls) have swirling around in their head when it comes to dating.
Below, I answer a few of the most common questions when it comes to sex on a second date.
Why have sex on a second date?
If you’re new to the dating game, or are not successful with women, having sex within two dates might seem both far too quick and unrealistic.
Most men will wait until the woman gives them a clear signal to make a move before initiating sex. They want the woman to basically say “Come back to mine” or “Let’s have sex”.
They rarely do.
As a guy, the old cliche can be true – we look for sex and fall in love, whereas women look for romance and end up having sex. These two opposing views meet in the middle the first time you have sex.
But I still believe it is almost always let to the guy to initiate sex and control the timings of things (whilst being respectful women and hearing when they say “It’s too early”). And if you leave it too long before you initiate sex, the woman may start to think you are only interested in them platonically.
In the past, even when I suspected they were attracted to me, I hesitated and didn’t make any kind of move for fear of being rejected. Now I’d prefer to make a more and get rejected than be in a limbo state where I don’t know if they like me or not.
When I took women on multiple dates, their attraction slowly faded, until they would either disappear when a new more aggressive man came along, or they would be confused as to why I kept asking them out but never making a move. This too led to them becoming frustrated and moving on.
Having sex on a second date meets your desire as a man to have sex with beautiful women, whilst also demonstrating you are a sexual guy who lives behind the curtain and understands what women want.
I would also point out that this is not the only strategy. You could wait ten dates and have amazing sex at the end of it. But if you are a normal man (or woman) who enjoys sex with someone they have built a connection with after two dates, this FAQ is for you.
Also, this is not about tricking a woman into bed on the second date and then leaving them. Yes, this may happen. She may not be into you, or you not into her after it, which is totally fine. But please don’t get her into bed and then never contact her again.
These FAQs (and website) are meant for guys who are looking to form some type of relationship with her, be that exclusive, non-exclusive, casual, serious or other, not for men just wanting to get as many women into bed as they can without any regard for the other person’s feelings.
Be kind and gentle to everyone, please.
Why not have sex on a first date?
There is nothing terribly wrong with having sex on a first date. I do it on occasion when I detect the women is very in to me and wants to be taken home.
However, there are some benefits of waiting until the second date.
It builds anticipation. By teasing her on the first date, making her attracted to you, making her desire you, and making her think about you in the days after your date, she’ll be much more eager to jump in to bed with you on the second date. Attempt to invite her home on a first date, and you might blow your chances of getting a second date (unless she’s really in to you and up for a one night stand).
It increases the chances of longer term relationships. I don’t necessarily mean boyfriend and girlfriend relationships. I mean dating her casually over several months is more likely to happen, with the option to make her your girlfriend if you want to. Sex on the first date might trigger feelings of shame and guilt, which she’ll associate with you, making her not want to see you again for a second date, or make her think you only want her for sex before moving on to the next girl.
It decreases her feelings of shame and guilt. I once got a young woman’s number at a bus stop. That weekend I invited her to join me for a coffee. We chatted for an hour and I invited her back to my flat for wine. We sat on the sofa and I kissed her within 30 minutes. From there I escalated physically by running my hands over her legs and breasts. She told me she had to meet a friend, and after watching a bit of TV she left, kissing me goodbye. I text her a few days later to meet up again, but she was always busy, and her enthusiasm had disappeared.
In this situation I move TOO quickly, and it make her feel uncomfortable. Although in the moment she enjoyed what we were doing, after the date I suspect she 1) felt guilty for having gone back to a guy’s house so quickly, and 2) she knew sex would definitely happen if she came over again, leading to more feelings of shame and guilt.
Sex on a second date gives the girl some plausible deniability (“Well I’m obviously not a slut because I didn’t sleep with him on the first date”).
Until such time as society accepts that sex is natural and women should be able to sleep with whoever they want, whenever they want, you need to be mindful of triggering negative feelings.
How do I have sex on a second date?
“Hang on!”, I hear you cry. “I can’t even have sex on the 10th date let alone the second. I understand I need to move quickly, but HOW??”.
Attempting sex on a second date if you didn’t flirt, talk about sex, or touch the girl on a first date will NOT work. It is not congruent with the personality you presented to her. You presented her with a nice guy, who isn’t comfortable around women. She doesn’t want to sleep with that guy on a second date.
Instead, you need to act like a man who is comfortable with his desires, and can be sexual from the very first date. As a result, wanting and going for sex on the second date feels natural. The women understands what type of man you are, that you are not ashamed of sex, that you are good with women and that you won’t make her feel guilty for wanting sex. When she knows this, she will happily sleep with you on a second date, and she won’t regret it.
Do women want sex on a second date?
First, the real question is do YOU want it. Because you should go for what you want in life.
Secondly, yes, women desire and love sex, but they will only sleep with a guy who is very attractive to them, and this includes feeling comfortable. There is much social pressure heaped on women to make them believe sex is wrong, and having sex with a guy on a second date is taboo.
In reality, everyone should make up their own mind as to what is right for them. And if they feel comfortable having sex on a second date, they should be allowed to do so with no-judgement. (Sadly this type of society seems a long way off, so we just have to pretend we think it’s a terrible idea when talking to friends, but go and do it privately anyway).
You become attractive by displaying traits such as confidence, outcome independence, a sense of style, social intelligence, a purpose in life, taking care of your physical appearance, kindness, caring and interest in her.
These are what women are biologically programmed to find attractive, much more so than the physical characteristics of wanting someone tall, dark and handsome they often describe when asked. Having these qualities helps of course, but aren’t the defining factors.
If you FAIL to exhibit these traits, women will friend zone you. And if you display too many Provider qualities (such as indicating to them how good your job is, how much money you make, how you just bought your own house, etc.) they will make you wait for sex. You’ve set yourself up as boyfriend material rather than a guy who is going to give them orgasmic sex, and so they’ll withhold sex to avoid being pumped and dumped, only giving it up once they know you aren’t dating other women and are going to stick around.
What about the three date rule?
I’ve no idea where the three date rule came from, but it is prolific in popular culture.
It states you shouldn’t have sex until at least the third date. A women will tell herself that she isn’t a bad girl, and can avoid being labelled as a slut by her friends, parents and society, if she waits until date three to spread her legs.
Having sex on a first date does not make you any less of a person than having sex on a third date. In fact, as a women, if you are strong enough to form your own opinions and make your own mind up based on what you want to do, without bowing to external pressures, I see you as far more decent a person than most. Certainly not bad.
Being a True Alpha helps short circuit this three date logic somewhat. However, in some women’s minds it is so ingrained that second date sex isn’t going to happen and you’ll have to wait.
I once invited an Irish girl with a strong Catholic upbringing to my house for a second date. She understood the subtext, that this meant sex was likely to happen, and so arranged to meet me for a drink a few days before the scheduled second date. We had one drink, chatted for about an hour, and both went our separate ways.
By the time she came over to my house, she was able to tell herself it was a third date, because of the quick drink she’d organised, even though we’d spent only around 3 hours in each other’s company.
I’ve also experienced times where a girl is half naked in my bed on a second date, but refuses to take her underwear off, despite being extremely turned on and kissing me passionately. The ONLY reason is because she had the three date rule in her head. A couple of days later I invited her back over and her knickers dropped without any hesitation. It was the third time she’d seen me, and therefore her mind could rest easy knowing she was sticking to the rule.
Does sex on a second date make me a bad person?
Absolutely not. You need to accept your desires as a man to sleep with women. Learn how to deal with your nice guy mentality.
And if you don’t want to sleep with her right away, consider this. Do you really feel that way, or are you repressing your desires because of a fear of being judged, or feeling ashamed or guilty for wanting sex?
It’s important you consider this question and work through any issues you may have relating to women, relationships and sex.
Even if you want to end up in an exclusive relationship with a girl, I still advocate having sex with her as soon as possible. There is nothing worse than finding your ideal partner, dating her for several weeks without any physical activity, only to be told she doesn’t sense a ‘spark’ between you and wants to be friends. Sleeping with her quickly will avoid this.