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What You Must Understand About Being Dominant

There’s a common misunderstanding from people who are learning to become dominant in the bedroom (I’m going to assume you’re a guy, as this website is geared towards them).

It’s that you are in complete control.

You’re not.

If you are learning to be more dominant simply to control women without any regard for their mental and physical health, you need to reevaluate.

The dom/sub relationship is an extreme form of roleplay. You are both acting your parts, and BOTH in control.

You are playing the role of being in control, and she is WILLINGLY submitting to you. She is CHOOSING to play that role. And if she is choosing how to act, she ultimately has as much control as you do.

Yes, you command her. Yes you tie her up. Yes you spank her if she doesn’t do what you ask of her. BUT, you are both in control.

It’s a paradox granted.

The dom/sub relationship is not about one gender being superior to the other. It’s not about you being better than her and therefore she is required to serve you.

You are both making the CHOICE to act in this way.

Don’t think being dominant will allow you to do whatever you want to your sub. It won’t. Yes she will want to please you, and as a result may go along with your wishes but not enjoy doing it.

Be empathetic enough to recognise when this is happening.

If she says no (not necessarily the word, as some subs enjoy being bratty and saying no), but a hard no either with an agreed safe word or you sense she is not comfortable, you MUST stop and communicate.

A dom/sub relationship requires even more effective communication than a traditional relationship. As the dominant it is your duty to check on the well-being of your sub constantly.

If you read that paragraph and were disappointed, being a dom is not for you. If you only think about your pleasure, and not also about the pleasure you are giving to your sub, being dominant is not for you.

Communicating before and after sex, once the role play has ended is essential. If you don’t talk, you are missing out on an opportunity to build trust with your sub (which will allow you to live out more of your fantasies in the future) and receive feedback on what worked and what didn’t, what they liked and didn’t like.

This exchange of information is essential to improving your future sex life.

As a dom you have to understand the paradox of being commanding and in control whilst also taking responsibility for another human being, but also understanding you are giving pleasure to your sub, who enjoys you acting this way and is choosing to let you, thereby retaining her control.

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