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Improve Your Dating By Shifting Your Viewpoint

Last night I went to a guided meditation.

I’m no stranger to meditation. I’ve dabbled in the past with floatation tanks, attended a one day mindfullness workshops, listened to binaural beats audio tracks, and completed a practitioner course in Reiki (although acknowledge any benefits are due to the Placebo Effect).

I believe in the power of meditation to relax, let go and de-stress.

But when people try and explain how such things work by talking about chakras, energy flows, or other mystical talk, my skeptical mind is activated.

The leader of the guided meditation began with a 15 minute pseudo-science talk about how it worked, enthusiastically pointing to an artistically drawn, medically accurate outline of a human body, with colourful energy lines running through it.

I didn’t believe a word.

Afterwards, the meditation began.

Unlike traditional mediation this one involved movement. To enter the meditative state we were told to slowly raise our right hand vertically in front of our bodies whilst the other hand drew circles around it. Talk about rubbing your tummy and patting your head at the same time.

As the meditation progressed, the arm positions constantly shifted. Each of our supposed energy centres needed to be dealt with in turn by resting a hand there.

Towards the end of the night one of the regulars asked if he could ‘work on me’. After my agreement, he stood behind me and mystically waved his hands for five minutes.

Learning to shift your viewpoint

After hearing the opening talk at the guided meditation, I could easily have walked out. But I chose to stay. Rather than become angry or frustrated, I chose to become more relaxed. I chose to empathise with the leader and become curious about how he saw the world.

I didn’t have to accept his views, but I didn’t have to run from them either.

Understanding you alone are responsible for how you feel is a key life skill. Nobody can make you feel anything. You have to allow them.

This process in itself is a meditative practise. Learning to remain calm and relaxed in uncomfortable situations.

Most men on a first date will challenge a woman if she says something he doesn’t agree with. Instead, you can choose to be curious about her stance on the issue. It doesn’t mean you are agreeing, but you are not allowing your ego to take over and batter her into mental submission by imposing your own world views on her.

Remaining curious and resisting the urge to challenge her helps maintain rapport. The result is a better date.

Focus on the positives

No matter what situation you are in, there are always benefits to get out of it.

Despite not agreeing with the reasoning behind how the meditation worked, I let that aspect of the night slip away, and instead concentrated on everything I had got out of the event.

  • The feeling of being very relaxed after a hard day at the office
  • A new experience to broaden my horizons
  • A topic of conversation to share with friends and during dates
  • A change of scenery
  • The opportunity to meet new people
  • A chance to practise my body language when entering a room


Learn to accept the good and discard the bad in all situations. If someone says something you don’t agree with, remain still and simply listen to their point of view. Resist the urge to judge.

It creates a virtuous circle that will help you succeed in all areas of your life, including dating women.

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