You’ve matched with the most beautiful women you’ve ever seen via online dating, followed the online to offline sequence, won her over, and got her to agree to a first date. Only three hours remain until you meet and your heart is pounding like you’ve just tried Tabata training for the first time.
I’m a very detailed orientated and systematic guy. I like a good checklist, and I like getting into a routine. Having a process to go through before you go on a date is a good idea to calm your nerves and ensure you are in a good frame of mind when you meet.
It needn’t be a complicated or fancy routine. You might even get it down to 10 minutes. But it IS important that you do follow the same process each and every time in order to maximise your chances of success with the girl.
Why you need to prepare for a first date
By following the tips below you have a much greater chance of success.
- You’ll be calmer, knowing that everything is set.
- Rituals have strange psychological power. It’s the reason sports professionals wear lucky socks, or have weird pre-match routines, or even twitches. Takes a look at the shuffling technique of Dan Biggar. He does this before every kick he takes. It’s unconscious, but always the same. His muscle memory kicks in saying “You do this every game, and in all practise sessions, and the ball always goes over the posts, so you MUST do it again!”. And with each repetition, the brain gets confirmation that doing all this weird stuff is DEFINITELY the reason he’s so good at kicking. If he DIDN’T do this when taking a kick I bet his conversion rate would decrease. That’s the power of having a psychological advantage.
- You’ll have something to talk about. Scared of running out of things to say? Include a review of your chat history and her online dating profile to remind yourself of her hobbies and interests.
- You’ll create the correct mindset in yourself. You’ll be in a positive frame of mind, giving off a relaxed, confident, True Alpha vibe that women love, improving your chances of success.
- You won’t blow it on a tiny detail. You won’t blow your chances by being unkempt, scruffy or smelly. These things matter to women, and should to you.
- You won’t be concerned about taking her home. If you do invite her home, you won’t be in a panic about her finding that condom wrapper in your bathroom bin.
How to prepare for a first date
Here’s what the typical 1-2 hours before a first date will look like for me (note, I usually schedule dates on a weekday in the evenings, but sometimes during the day on weekends. Adjust as appropriate).
Step 1: Home preparation
Chances are you won’t be bringing her back to your home because it’s a first date. Not because it isn’t possible, but because women are taught by society that wanting casual sex is bad and are more likely to resist your advances.
Waiting until the second date to invite her to yours is one way to minimise her thinking she’s ‘a slut’ or ‘doing something wrong’. Sometimes I may have already arranged to meet up with a women I’m already dating later in the evening, so first date sex can’t happen anyway.
Regardless, you might turn up to the date and realise the women is intelligent, open, in-touch with her feelings, doesn’t care about what society thinks of her, is clearly in to you, and wants to fuck your brains out (it does happen. Dating apps like Tinder are making this situation more common and acceptable).
Because of this, you need to ensure that your home is prepared just in case. Make no mistake, she will judge you on how your house or room looks!
- Empty the bathroom bin. When you get successful with women you can have sex with a different girl every night of the week. I’m not kidding (although not sure I’d recommend it). The girl you’ve just brought home does not want to know this. If she sees a condom wrapper, feminine hygiene product or used condom in your waste bin, alarm bells will start ringing in her head.
- Remove evidence of other women. Women have a habit of leaving stuff around the place, both accidentally and on purpose. This includes, but is not limited to, make-up, lipstick, hair bands, hair clips, earrings and bracelets. I don’t want the women I bring home seeing any of this stuff lying around on a first or second date. If you are dating other women you don’t need to rub it in her face, should she come back to yours. It’s only a first date after all.
- Change your bedding. Having multiple persons’ bodily fluids on your sheets, or your own for that matter is not cool. Changing them is simply good hygiene. Bedding can retain body scents. Plus I have a dark duvet cover which usually ends up with highly visible lubricant stains on it, which look suspiciously similar to semen. She’d run if she saw that after I’d asked her to jump on the bed to watch TV. If you don’t have enough bedding, go out and buy some more. Make sure you get good stuff if you can afford it (100% Egyptian Cotton, 400 thread count or higher).
- Hunt for hairs. Women’s hair gets into the strangest places. Whether it’s from sleeping over or a long sex session they shed like crazy. On a regular basis I discover the stuff stuck to various parts of my body days after I had sex with that particular girl and have showered multiple times since. Double check your bed and surfaces (bedside table, top of chest of drawers, etc.) for long strands and bin them.
- Clean the bathroom. Your toilet bowl should be white. If not buy some bleach. Beauty products and bottles should be stored, stacked or arranged neatly. The sink and area around it should be clean and free from stains. The floor should be dust free. Women will need to use your bathroom at some point in the night and will judge you on its cleanliness. If you’ve got flatmates, do your best. Hide any items you don’t want seen (condom packets, hair removal cream, your night brace…).
- Buy loo roll. Girls need it. Buy some (good stuff like Andrex or Comfort, not Tesco’s Own). Make sure there are extra rolls in the bathroom and they are VISIBLE. Don’t make her hunt through your cupboards should it run out.
- Buy soap. If you don’t have soap in your bathroom already, WTF? Seriously, WTF? Go get some immediately.
- Tidy your bedroom. Clear clutter off the floor and hide in a wardrobe. Put your dirty washing into a laundry bin in the bathroom. Make the bed. Making your bedroom feel cosy and comfortable to relax in is CRITICAL to getting sex fast. I use my bed as a conversational piece by making it up like a hotel would. When your bed looks so inviting, it’s simple to say “It’s the most comfortable bed in the world! Hop on and see for yourself”. 80% of the women who stay in mine agree it’s the best bed they’ve ever slept in, and secretly I think it’s one of the reasons they regularly come back.
Step 2: Style & grooming
Once you’ve got your home sorted, it’s time to work on yourself.
- Have a shower. Optional. I shower in the morning, and may have another shower right before I go meet my date, depending on how gross I’m feeling. If you’re in doubt, have one. Otherwise some part of your brain will be preoccupied with wondering if you smell. And if you DO smell, you’re not getting a second date (I once had to kick a girl out because her feet smelt horrific and were making me gag).
- Trim loose hairs. Check your face in the mirror for nose, ear and eyebrow hair. Buy some scissors or an electric hair trimmer and use it. As you get older you will get hairier, and I’ve yet to date a women who finds it attractive.
- Splash on some cologne. Optional. I use mine 50% of the time. After much research on YouTube I ended up going for La Nuit De L’Homme by Yves Saint Laurent. Women in the online videos love it, and I’ve had a few positive comments. My other scent is A*Men by Thierry Mugler which smells more chocolatey. On one date the girl told me I smelt amazing, kissing me hard. Later on in the evening when I took her home she kept teasing me for smelling like a 12 year old boy!
- Dress thoughtfully. Make sure you put a decent outfit together. Your individual style can vary massively. You might want to wear a suit, or feel more confident in jeans and a t-shirt. Whatever it is, make sure it suits you, and looks as though you’ve made an effort, not just put on the first think you found that was clean.
- Style your hair. I have rubbish hair. It’s curly, coarse and a nightmare to deal with. I’m far away from the typical Italian looking model with slicked back, long, smooth hair you see in Dolce & Gabbana ads. For a long time I dealt with the problem by keeping it short. Having it long caused the back and sides to sprout in all directions. After going to a salon rather than a traditional barber they convinced me I just needed to trim those areas and let the top grow a little. I did, and I like it. Go see a professional and get some advice.
Step 3: State control
Think of this as your equivalent of the Haka the All Blacks rugby team do before a big match. It pumps them up, sets a tone for the rest of the match, and gets them in the right frame of mind for the game.
You need to mentally prepare yourself too. Maybe you’ve had a shit day. Or you’ve been working hard and are tired. Or are still thinking about a complex work problem. All of these will affect your interactions with your date NEGATIVELY.
Conversation is less about what you say and mostly about HOW you say it. If your mind is preoccupied with negative or busy thoughts it will show.
To get in state, do some or all of these:
- Put on uplifting music. Whatever gets you in a positive, fun, upbeat, vibrant mood where you want to take on the world. Crank up the volume and listen as you perform the steps above. I listen to vocal trances or deep house mixes on YouTube.
- Dance. I do not enjoy dancing. I’m terrible at it, and don’t find it fun. BUT, I do dance for a few minutes before a date. Don’t even think of it as dancing. Just wave your hands about, move your body into weird, twisted shapes and jump around. You will feel silly for about 30 seconds. You’ll then find yourself smiling, perhaps even laughing. You won’t be able to help it. You’ll smile at how stupid you look. You’ll smile at how hard your breathing. You’ll smile at the wicked new move you just invented. You’ll smile at the fact no-one is watching you. If you’re skeptical, try it once. If you don’t look like you are having a standing epileptic fit, you are doing it wrong.
- Talk positively to yourself. Say kind things to yourself. Do it OUT LOUD. Say it like you mean it. When using affirmations, make sure they are phrased in the first person and in the present tense. Say “I’m a confident, funny guy women find irresistible and turned on by” rather than “You will be a confident, funny guy women will find…”. Make up your own affirmations ahead of time and write them down. Bonus points if you look at your reflection in the mirror when saying them.
- Re-engage with recent successes. Your last date was terrible. You spent an hour boring a girl to tears and she never contacted you again. But I bet there was something positive about it. Maybe she laughed at a small joke you made. Maybe you greeted her in the right way. Maybe you managed to get her from an online dating platform to a first date in record time. Ignore all the bad stuff and laser in on the positive aspects. Play out those little moments in your head over and over again, marvelling at how well you did. (By the way, you should be doing this all the time).
- Watch an inspirational video. Hop onto YouTube and find the most inspirational, motivational, Alpha video you can. Watch it. Watch it again. Need a suggestion? Watch Just Do It by Art Williams. I defy you to not be in a better frame of mind after viewing.
- Power pose. Oddly enough, standing in certain positions can trick your brain into making you feel confident. Stand with your hands on your hips, feet firmly planted (the classic Superman stance) and stare at yourself in the mirror. Stay there for two minutes, smiling and admiring how dashing you look.
Step 4: Last minute checks
Ten minutes before you are set to leave, it’s time for final preparations.
- Remind yourself who you’re meeting. Regularly going on first dates means you’ve got conversations going with multiple women. It’s so easy to get confused. Review the profile of the girl you’re meeting (if you met her online), scan through all the messages you’ve sent and received from each other, and log her name in your memory. Remind yourself of her interests, passions and recent discussions so you have questions you can ask her. If you only have one woman in your life then you need to step up your game. consider hiring a dating coach. Double check WHERE and WHEN you agreed to meet as well, just in case you’ve got the time wrong. You don’t want to show up late, it’s rude (5 minutes is OK).
- Pack condoms. Put a condom into your pocket just in case she wants sex but doesn’t want to come back to yours (think car, bathroom, alley, etc.). If you don’t use it, remember to take it out of your pocket when you get home. Keeping condoms in a wallet or back pocket for long periods of time makes them more susceptible to breaking during use, bad for obvious reasons.
- Remind yourself of the correct mindset. At all times, and especially on a first date, you need to appear confident and outcome independent. That means you don’t get flustered. You talk slowly. You move purposely. You don’t care if you crash and burn or you succeed. If you want to say something but are worried what the other person will think, you say it anyway.
- Final mirror check. Take one last look at yourself in the mirror, with a face close-up. Once in a while you’ll notice a bogey (dried nasal mucus – lovely) hanging out of your nose.
- On the way. Grab some headphones and listen to music that keeps your feeling positive, happy and upbeat. Put them away when you are a couple of minutes from meeting her. Don’t turn up to the date listening to music. I listen to long vocal trance and deep house mixes on the Mixcloud app.
Mistakes to avoid
Here are some places you can go wrong:
- Not having a routine. Take ten minutes to pull together a mini checklist for yourself. Take the points in this article you agree with and discard the rest. If you don’t have a routine you’ll miss something and lower your chances of success.
- Not leaving enough time. The time before a date should be relaxed. Stressing out about what you have to get done is only going to make you nervous. Turning up to a date stressed is going to decrease your success with the woman, and make it difficult to get sexual.
- Overthinking things. Don’t take my suggestions as a definitive list. Add, remove and edit as you see appropriate. Don’t get bogged down in the details, and don’t get yourself stressed thinking you MUST complete every item on my list in order to succeed on a first date. You don’t.
There it is. Everything you should be doing in the build up to a first date. Getting a routine down will boost your chances of that all important second date.
La Nuit De L’Homme