Skip to main content
woman losing interest

How To Act When She Loses Interest

Many women I speak to have horror stories of guys they lost interest in, but who just kept trying to win them back. Several of these girls have had to change their phone numbers because the guy would constantly text and call them.

Acting needy and chasing her in this way is beta.

It tells her:

  • You don’t have other options
  • You’re desperate
  • You have potential to become a stalker
  • You’re creepy
  • You would act possessive in a relationship

Do you think any of these are attractive qualities in a man?

Acting like this is the fastest way to get her labelling you as a creepy loser who she has zero attraction for. It will NEVER get you the girl.

Lock that into your head. Because one day, a woman you really like will lose interest in you, and you’ll be tempted to jump aboard the crazy train and do something stupid. Before you do, remember this article.

What are the signs she isn’t interested?

There’s a fine line between her being busy, and her giving you the run around. It isn’t always possible to tell she’s losing interest, but there are some warning signs.

  • She doesn’t respond to your texts
  • Her replies are much shorter than yours or single words
  • She never picks up when you call her
  • She’s always busy when you try and arrange a date
  • She doesn’t answer the questions you’ve asked
  • You are always the one initiating chats
  • You are always the one trying to get her to go out with you
  • She doesn’t ask you anything about your life or what you are up to
  • She looks bored when she is with you
  • She constantly cancels dates and re-arranges
  • You’ve been on multiple dates with her but not slept with her
  • You are the one always paying her way at restaurants

These things do happen on occasion, even when the woman is still attracted to you. But if they are happening on a regular basis then take it as a sign her interest is waning and move on.

Why does she lose interest?

She may have lost attraction for a whole host of reasons.

And many more.

Don’t take the lack of interest personally. Sometimes it has nothing to do with you.

Mentally review how you acted around her. Are there any areas where you need to fine tune your skills? Did you ever act beta? If you notice some things, make a note to improve them for the next girl (Hint: There’s always something you can improve upon).

If you still can’t figure out why it isn’t working between the two of you, STOP.

Don’t try and dissect it any further. You’ll make yourself crazy. Even if you did everything right, sometimes the chemistry just doesn’t work.

Deal with it.

How to deal with a loss of interest

A key part of dealing with the situation is accepting it, and moving on. Realise that virtually nothing you can do will make her interested in you again, and you are much better off looking for other women to date.

  • Accept it and let her go. Don’t act like a beta and beg her to come back. There are thousands of women out there who would love to meet you. Don’t expend your energy on someone who won’t give you anything back in return.
  • Understand your mind is playing tricks. Men can get infatuated with a woman they have only been on a couple of dates with. I believe this is driven out of fear of losing her, and that they won’t find anyone else. You must learn to control these emotions. Understand you WILL find someone else. Someone even better.
  • Don’t be abusive. No matter how much your brain is telling you to lash out and call her bad names, don’t. You only want to make yourself feel better, and it probably won’t. She doesn’t deserve your anger. How would you feel if a girl that you were never attracted to starting calling you horrible names just because you didn’t want to go out with her? At best amused, at worst like a terrible human being. Learn to meditate or read The Power of Now (see the recommended reading page).
  • Date multiple women. I recommend dating multiple women for several months before you become exclusive with a girl (if you become exclusive at all). It means you won’t ever be left in a situation where you have no-one to go on a date with, and helps prevent you obsessing over one girl.
  • Divert your energies. If you haven’t yet started dating multiple women, then pour your energies into finding someone new, or into making your life better. Do you have your current life mission written down? If not, do that. Do you have your finances in order, or a plan to do so? No? Focus on that. Put on a few pounds? Hit the gym. Doing this stuff not only takes your mind off the woman, but builds you a better future, and makes you more attractive to future women.

So there it is. What to do and what not to do when a woman stops being interested in you. If you still experience strong negative feelings (beyond, ‘That kinda sucks’) when a woman loses interest in you, then spend time developing your mental fortitude. Work on your non-neediness, outcome independence and abundance mindsets.

15 thoughts on “How To Act When She Loses Interest

  1. This seems to be the norm for me anymore, not the exception. I keep meeting women, everything seems to be going fantastic then BAM, instantly off like a switch, and I have to start all over again. I only wish I knew what I was doing wrong, believe me if I knew, I would have fixed it like yesterday.

    Your part about dating multiple women I’ve tried and failed miserably at, I seem to get caught by at least one of the women, one case all 3 I was dating got suspicious and things went south quickly.

    Your statement about “There are thousands of women who would love to meet you.” is extremely true, I meet women all the time, the big problem I have is out of those “thousands of women” who want to meet, only a very few out of them would actually want to go beyond and casual date with me it seems.

    I know I wasn’t blessed with the best body out there, and the best looks, I certainly try to do my VERY BEST to make up for that with personality, manners, charm, etc. But the biggest issue I have is my height, I’m only 5’2″ a large number of women seem turned off like a light switch over this. I can’t tell you how many times I get the “Damn you’re short” comment on a first date, or I get the “I can’t wear heels around you.” comment, as if I’d be bothered if she wore heels and was 6 foot. I’m like ladies criticize me for something I CAN control, not something I can’t.

    Another thing that seems to be an automatic deal breaker for me is the fact that I can’t have children due to a genetic issue that would likely produce severe birth defects in any child I fathered, I get treated as if it makes me a bad person of some kind by a lot of women.

    I’ve been told to date older women, I’m 39 and one relationship coach suggested dating women between in her mid 40’s to early 50’s since they are past wanting children and/or have grown children now, and older women aren’t as critical about things like height. Does this sound logical to you? What options do you suggest? I know this all sounds negative, I realize that, however I’m at a point where I’m finding it very difficult to find the positive options.

    1. Hi Dave,

      First up, I’d like to say that I don’t have all the answers for you. That’s probably not what you want to hear, but it is the truth. However, I will make some suggestions, and you can accept or reject them as you see appropriate. I don’t walk in your shoes or view the world as you do.

      When reading your reply, what jumped out at me first was your choice of words in the second paragraph. You mention being ‘caught’ at dating multiple women, and ‘suspicion’. I’d ask yourself, what beliefs might you have about dating multiple women might be holding you back?

      I never get caught dating multiple women. Why? Because there is nothing to catch! ‘Caught’ implies I am doing something wrong, but my beliefs are now that dating multiple women is not wrong. When a women asks me if I am dating other people I say “Yes”, or at least never say I am dating them exclusively. My actions and behaviours when dating indicate to the women they are not the only woman in my life.

      Have a look at this article:
      http://datetechnician.com/dealing-nice-guy-mental-conflicts-dating-multiple-women/

      If you are not comfortable dating multiple women, that is perfectly fine too. You don’t HAVE to. If it feels counter to your morals or you fear that the women will ‘find out’, either stop doing it or examine the beliefs underpinning those feelings.

      Next up, well done on working on your charm, manners and personality. Yes looks do matter, but these other qualities count for a lot. I assume you are also working on the traits which women are attracted to, such as confidence, assertiveness, leadership, self-amusement, having a purpose too. Having manners without all this other traits can turn you in to a door mat.

      Height is an important factor to women, it’s true. Just like us men want usually want the girl to have great hair, an hourglass figure, good sized breasts, and a beautiful face, women want us to be tall. It makes them feel safe, and increases the chances of offspring inheriting great genes and boosting their survival chances (yes, our primitive brains still control a great deal of our actions).

      BUT… height is not the only thing women care about. If you go to a date and you have the belief ‘All women want a tall guy”, you’ll end up self-sabotaging, and that belief will become true.

      So here’s how I would play it:

      1. Accept the hand you’ve been dealt and the fact a lot of women won’t go out with you because of your height. It sucks, but that’s what it is.
      2. If you are meeting these women online, I would be tempted to put your height in your profile. Yes, it will reduce your matches, but at least you know they won’t reject you as soon as you appear on the date and didn’t know. Other might suggest this is a terrible idea, and that you should not disclose your height and instead make up with an outstanding personality on the date. Could work, but not easy.
      3. Meet more women in real-life. They can see how tall you are, and you can detect if they are put off or happy to go on a date with you.
      4. Deal with the comments in a funny way. Them: “I can’t wear heels around you”. You: “Don’t worry, I don’t plan on taking you anywhere fancy on a date. McDonalds will still serve us wearing flats”. OK, that’s not the best line, but you get what I mean. You could go a little bit more risqué depending upon the girl and your level of rapport: “Height doesn’t matter when you’re lying down”. This shows you are unaffected. They are testing your resolve and a sharp response is likely to improve your chances.

      Next up, the issue of children. Again, the vast majority or women (and men) want children. Again, I don’t have a concrete answer for you, but I do wonder how these facts influence your mindset and interactions with women. I would want to double check that these thoughts are not unconsciously doing something to change my body language or what I talk about, and that is what turns women off, rather than the condition itself.

      Your story reminds me of a female friend who went on a date with a guy a few years ago. 5 minutes in to the date he began telling her he had no hair….ANYWHERE on his body because he was affected by alopecia. My friend would not have minded about the condition itself, but the way he TALKED about it set off warning flags. Clearly it was a BIG issue for him, and therefore would impact anyone in a relationship with him.

      If he had saved mentioning it until the second date (or at least not doing so in the first 5 minutes of the first date!) or made light of it, he would have got a second date.

      An older women may or may not care less about height or children. But what age group do YOU want to date? There’s no point in going after a 50 year old because you think they will like you, even though you are not attracted to them.

      In summary, as mentioned at the start, I don’t have the answers. Your beliefs, thoughts and state of mind are unique to you and different to me, so all my suggestions are filtered through my world view, not yours.

      But I am confident if you improve your body (you mentioned it wasn’t the best, and this is something you DO have control over), the way you think about the two ‘issues’ you mentioned, and at what point you reveal that information to women, your successes will go up.

      All the best, Dave. I believe in you 🙂

      1. Ed your a bitch who comes down on men but simps for women. Type of person I think is pathetic…fuck you. A lot guys are getting tired of the social construct of this country and going MGTOW.

    2. The day you start living your own life, and stop give a specific woman a priority, things will automatically get better for you. Once you put your energy on positive things, not expecting her to live you back, that’s when you’ll be desired, as you have a life. We’re humans, and women feels attracted to the challenge. Never let somebody be the reason of your happiness, never.
      Just accept the fact that you’re a happy person, with or without her. When you’re truly satisfied with your life, it won’t matter if she dumps you, you know you’ll be fine one way or another, and btw I doubt that when you’re in that state of mind she will dump you. She won’t, she’ll be intrigued by this confident nice man.
      Good luck !

  2. Thanks Ed for the advice, I do appreciate it a lot.

    When I mentioned “getting caught”, it certainly is not a moral issue for me at all, it’s more perhaps a fear of getting caught by one of the women while I’m with another woman and them both going off on me and kicking me to the curb. This had happened once to me and it wasn’t even a committed relationship it was just a casual dating thing with both. As for being straight up about seeing other women too, I’ve never tried that, again mostly out of fear that it would go very ugly and I’d quickly be labeled a player, I think I’ll try to put that fear aside and try it once and see how it goes, certainly have nothing to loose really.

    Interesting thing with the being straight up thing is I hear women ALL THE TIME say just be straight up about what you’re looking for and don’t lie or lead me on. i TOTALLY agree with that sentiment, few of us if any ever want to be played, I can speak from personal experience a few times in the past where I really wasn’t looking for anything at that particular time/day other than a casual sexual fling or a NSA relationship (I know for a fact that there are just as many women out there who from time to time just want that as well, it’s not just a guy thing) those occasional times I indicated this, I quickly was labeled a perv and a big piece of you know what, or I’ve gotten a few that got real sweet all of the sudden and then something like “My rent is coming due, could you help with that?” is asked, sorry, there’s a “P” word for that, LOL. Of course if I “played” these women, I’d be still labeled a big piece of you know what. Again, these are just my perception of things.

    I had to laugh at the part about the guy with the no hair condition, I envy him for having the courage to admit that openly, but on the same coin, there is certain things you don’t elaborate or discuss on a first or second date, those type of personal issues should be reserved until you are both comfortable with each other.

    Lastly, I used to get creeped out a bit in the past especially when i was in my 20’s when I would always be getting hit on by women as much as 10-12 years older than me, when I hit 30, I finally got to the point of thinking that perhaps this is the hand that is dealt to me and I should just run with it, so I did just that and in all honesty it wasn’t a big deal in the end when I went on a date at age 31 with a 43 year old woman. I’ve heard some women even say why is it ok for a younger woman to be with an older man, but if it’s the other way around that’s a bad thing.

    I do have one question for you I’d like to get your advice on. I’m not someone who enjoys drinking, bar hopping, and night clubbing, I have nothing at all against those who do, it’s just not my cup of tea, it’s not a moral issue for me, just something I never cared much for. I’ll occasionally have a shot of liquor or a glass of Guiness, the problem is, or at least it seems to be through my own eyes is women almost always view a man who doesn’t drink or party as a boring person who could be “friend-zoned” but nothing beyond that. I’ve on occasion gone places or to parties with friends and knowing I don’t drink much so I’m the designated driver, things usually are good at first but once everyone starts to get buzzed, I’m quickly feeling way out of place, a bit ostracized, and not enjoying myself at all, so I stopped doing that.

    I found that if I put “Doesn’t Drink” or “Drinks Occasionally” in the online dating filters, it knocks off more matches than putting “Doesn’t Want Children” does. I’m not going to be at all bothered if I’m on a date and she wants a few drinks, no harm there, I just am not looking for someone who lives in the bars or clubs all weekend and can’t ever have fun at all w/o alcohol being along for the ride.

    What would you suggest as an option here? I was once told by a therapist I spoke with 3 years ago that I was simply just “got to find the right pool to put my feet into”.

    I am going to try the humorous come backs for things like my height, would have never thought of that actually, going to read that article on dating multiple women now.

    Thanks for the response and advice.

    1. Tripped into the article and perused the comments. As a mid 40s single woman I felt theres an assumption about 1) us being less picky due to less options or interest 2) that young men arent generally attracted to our age group.
      Both are false. Your abstinence from clubbing and drinking is a plus – for lots of women. I suspect that you are fishing in the wrong pools. Judging women on their appearance and hoping they not do the same. Maybe Im wrong and I mean no offence. However a lot of 20 somethings party, male or female. Youre in your 30s, by now there are career orientated singles you could connect with who dont run to the club on the weekend. Work on your confidence and style. Whats your best asset? Play it up a bit. Prince was only 5’2…. Ask his lovers if it mattered? Find the handsome in yourself and women will respond.

  3. the girl ive been with for a year said her heart is just not there. abrubtly the week after we had great sex. she said it was entirley her fault. nothing else. a woman never takes blame entirley for ending a relationship. ive been divorced 3 times. i know. i guess i did not meet her expectations in the bedroom? whats up?

    1. Hi Chuck,

      I’m sorry to hear about your breakup. I hope you are coping and feeling better now it has been a few months.

      I don’t have an answer for you. Sometimes relationships end and figuring out the reason is impossible. I would however look for patterns in your life. You mentioned being divorced three times. That seems like a pattern to me. Obviously I have no background to go on, but it might be worth doing some soul searching as to why that might be.

      Ed

  4. Thanks for the great read! I’ve read through lots of articles to determine what my best course of action is when it comes to situations like this and I honestly think you provide the most neutral and level-headed advice.

    I’m currently going through this exact situation. I’ve been dating a girl I met on tinder for a little over a month now. Everything in the beginning seemed to be going great. We’d hang out a lot, make plans to go out on dates, and even talk about planning getaways together. However the last couple weeks have felt like we don’t talk much and never make plans to hang out. She never initiates conversation but when I send her text, she’s relatively quick to respond. I do know she’s busy with work and she recently moved so the logistics to that probably consumed a lot of her time. However, I am curious and I do do a little stalking (probably like anyone else going through a similar situation) and have noticed she stopped responding to any of the posts I share with her on fb or IG. She’s obviously seen then.

    I can’t seem to figure out what’s going on so I plan on just laying low for a couple days and see if she reaches out. She really hasn’t given me any other indiciation to her losing interest or anything so I feel like I should give her space until she is ready to talk.

    1. Hi Lex,

      First off, thanks for the compliment.

      Second, I’m afraid it does sound as though she is not interested enough in you to take things any further. I will caveat this by saying I do not know the ins and out of your situation. I only have your brief message to go on, so please, factor that in to your decision making.

      Dating someone for a month means you’ve probably had 6-10 dates. This is really not a long time in the grand scheme of things, not even enough to have had the exclusivity talk. You both could be dating other people. Some guys in this time tend to be so elated to have finally got a girl to go on dates with, have a tendency to morph into a clingy, needy, unattractive man. They forget about their existing friends, cancel plans, and want to spend every waking moment with the other person. They also subtly change their personality, making less decisions, referring responsibility to her for fear of saying or doing something which will make her run.

      This protective behaviour has completely the opposite effect. This puts a lot of pressure on the woman, and makes her wonder if you really are the cool guy she met originally. (Again, only you know if you did this).

      Couple this with her change of life situation (moving home), and she was probably still making up her mind about you, and it may just have been the excuse she needed to break things off with you.

      Again, only you will know if this is true in your situation.

      I’d like to leave you with one final, rhetorical question. What makes you want to be with someone who doesn’t start conversations or makes the time to see you, when there are so many women out there who would love to?

      1. Tripped into the article and perused the comments. As a mid 40s single woman I felt theres an assumption about 1) us being less picky due to less options or interest 2) that young men arent generally attracted to our age group.
        Both are false. Your abstinence from clubbing and drinking is a plus – for lots of women. I suspect that you are fishing in the wrong pools. Judging women on their appearance and hoping they not do the same. Maybe Im wrong and I mean no offence. However a lot of 20 somethings party, male or female. Youre in your 30s, by now there are career orientated singles you could connect with who dont run to the club on the weekend. Work on your confidence and style. Whats your best asset? Play it up a bit. Prince was only 5’2…. Ask his lovers if it mattered? Find the handsome in yourself and women will respond.

      2. Hey Ed,

        I just wanted to chime in and say that you hit the nail on the head with your description of how a lot of guys change. I’ve never heard anyone put the “tendency to morph” into words so aptly, but I definitely recognize that as something I’ve done in the past. Excellent work. The same for the rhetorical question at the end. That’s a point we often get too caught up in the moment to ask. In addition to the praise, I pose a question, as well: is there any sure-fire way to prevent and/or reverse this behavior?

        1. Hi John,

          Thanks for the comment and question.

          If you’d asked me a few years ago I would have said the way to reverse this is to withdraw. And by that I mean hold back your emotional support, time and attention from the woman. When she senses this she’ll start trying to win you back.

          However, today my answer is a little different. I’ve realised doing the above is harmful, passive aggressive, and could be described as emotional blackmail. It also depends on how far into dating or a relationship you are with someone.

          If you have been on one date and they start pulling away, you’re better off just leaving things alone. They’ve decided you are not right for them, so why invest more energy convincing them. When you are coming from a place of trying to proof to someone they should go on another date with you, you’ve already lost.

          If you are 12 months into a relationship, then cutting them off is not appropriate. It is far more adult to have a conversation about where things are going wrong.

          And then there’s the grey area. Let’s say you’ve been on 5 dates and you sense she is starting to lose interest. Personally, I accept it probably wasn’t the right person for me and move on. Again, I never want to come from a place where I am having to convince someone to date me. So I would never send them multiple, begging texts to see me again.

          What I would do instead if review my behaviour. Have I been overly needy in my messaging between dates? Did I take the lead on dates and act like a confident person? Did I listen to my date with compassion, respect and a lack of judgement? Did I show my personality and ensure we both had fun and a laugh together?

          If not, then I resolve to make sure we do on the next date.

          And remember, it may just be that you two are not compatible, regardless of what you do. Sometimes we get so caught up in wishing the other person would like us, we forget to ask ourselves if we like them!

          Golden rule: If they ever say they don’t want to see/date you again, be polite, tell them it was fun to get to know them, and end it there. No begging texts and no insulting texts because you’ve been rejected. Remember, you are both human beings, and there is never a need to be hurtful with your responses.

          As for preventing someone losing interest, my comments above stand. Be an upstanding man, be confident, be decisive, keep yourself fit and stylish, keep your own social circle, don’t be needy, have great sex, be compassionate and listen without judgement, and you’ll find people want to be near you.

          I hope that helps.

  5. Here’s my current scenario:
    – my ex and I still talk pretty regularly and we even hang out, and sometimes with her family
    – she said she’s not ready to seriously date anyone right now
    – yet she’s on match and has accepted invites to going out with men even though “she’s not ready to date” claiming she wants something to happen organically
    – when her and I hang out out, she doesn’t get dressed up or put on makeup
    – however, she gets dolled up when she goes out on “dates” with other guys (seen it on Snapchat)
    – this makes me upset because I’m interpreting her effort into looking good as wanting to attract the other guy or simply saying: I’m making myself look good for you
    – whereas I don’t get that
    – I don’t want to show resentment, and I’m trying to be present and in the moment, allowing those thoughts and emotions to pass, but chasing her feels like a foolish thing to do
    – what can ya tell me, man!? Send me truth!

    1. Oscar – bro, she’s using you as a comfortable backup companion (platonic only) while she searches for the other guy. Hate to say it, but you need to walk away. Unless you’re such a good friend that you’ll be happy when she finally announces to you that you can’t hang out much any more, and introduces her family to Mr New.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Read more:
Creating a spark when dating
How to Create a Spark Whilst Dating

I had a fun time but I just don't feel a spark. Sorry. Quite possibly the most infuriating message to...

Close