In a previous article I wrote about learning to control your feelings of jealousy when you hear her mention other guys, or get the feeling she is dating other men.
Once you learn to overcome your jealousy, you can start having some fun if she brings up the subject or you see a good opportunity to tease her a little.
I use three strategies, one basic, one intermediate and one advanced.
Strategy 1: Ignore it
The basic strategy is to simply listen to her as though she is describing something totally mundane and ordinary. She could be talking about how she had amazing sex with some guy the night before, and in your head you should react as though she’s describing her weekly grocery shop.
Nod and listen quietly with a slightly bored look on your face. When she’s done, casually change the subject.
This should be your default strategy. It is effective because:
- It trains your brain. The more you practise, the more you become able to handle any shit getting thrown at you. This strategy is effective in situations other than just dating women. Use it when your boss is giving you are hard time, or you’ve had some bad news, or some guy in a bar is giving you agro. Learning how not to take what is being said or done to heart is an essential life skill.
- It deprives her of drama. Women LOVE drama. And some women love testing their man’s resolve by attempting to make him jealous. They are expert button pushers, and if they see a chink in your armour they’ll pounce. Some will do it intentionally to get a rise out of you, others will do it unconsciously to prove to themselves you are strong and they are doing the correct thing dating you. Most men will react to these proddings negatively. When she doesn’t get the same response from you, and she sees how confident and self-assured you are, her attraction shoots up.
Strategy 2: Be curious
A second, intermediate strategy is to be curious and probe her for more information.
I recommend ONLY doing this if she is discussing sex directly.
If she is simply talking about a guy she went to the cinema with, use the Ignore strategy above, otherwise it will come across as you fishing for information and snooping. If she’s talking about a guy who used to make her orgasm hard, deploy the ‘Be Curious’ strategy.
It’s your perfect opportunity to learn what she likes in bed. An added bonus is that she will turn herself on talking about it, and most likely associate those positive feelings with you.
(Talking about sex is highly encouraged on first dates by the way. It projects your sexual frame to her, allows you to have sex with her quicker, and stops you being lumped in the friend category)
- Ask her open ended questions. They should require more than a yes or no answer. It allows her to expand on her thoughts and re-live the positive feelings. If she has brought up a NEGATIVE sexual experience then don’t use the ‘Be Curious’ technique. Instead just ‘Ignore It’.
- Be genuinely interested. If you do want to ask her questions, you must be interested in her responses. I’m fascinated by sex and the psychology of interactions between the genders. Therefore, I love talking with her about sex and her sexual history. If you don’t really care, don’t ask.
- Don’t judge. Never, ever criticise her or make negative comments about her responses. If you don’t like what you are hearing, you should learn to be more open. Even if she describes sleeping with every single member of her school football team in one night, you don’t react negatively. By not judging you give her permission to unleash her sexuality on you. She’ll be more open and honest with you in the long run.
- Don’t act like a schoolboy. Don’t get giddy or start smirking like a kid on Christmas day because she’s discussing sex with you. Remain chilled, relaxed, as though women talk to you about this stuff all the time. Even when she tells you she wants a threesome with you and her best friend, just casually say “Cool. Let’s do it.”
When in doubt, consider how you would react if the roles were reversed. If she eagerly asked you what the most exciting sex you had with your ex was, would you take her to be jealous? If she asked with a flirty look in her eye, and open body language, you would think to yourself “Wow, this chick is so open. She must not get jealous at all. That’s amazing”.
When you discuss sex with her, you want to project this non-reactive vibe. She won’t think you are jealous.
Strategy 3: Exaggerate
A further technique, and one a little more advanced, is to purposefully exaggerate her relationship with any guy she brings up, or if she mentions she is busy.
For example, she mentions going to dinner with Pete. You say “Oh Pete, that’s the one with the massive cock isn’t it? You’re in for a fun night” then give them a cheeky smile. Or, you could say something like “Oh Pete! You should so sleep with him, he clearly fancies you”.
I love this exaggeration technique because it accomplishes four things:
- Provides you with information. She might respond “Oh no! I don’t think about him like that at all!” or “I did sleep with him once but he wasn’t very good” or “Yeah, we have a Fuck Buddy type relationship”. Now you know where you stand. React in the same way no matter which response she gives. You don’t really care, remember?
- Demonstrates you don’t get jealous. You wouldn’t be able to talk to her like this if you were worried about this other guy being in her life. You’re telling her you don’t see him as a threat, and you aren’t scared of losing her. You are sub-communicating that you aren’t chasing her.
- Shows you understand the game. It demonstrates an awareness of the interplay of the genders and sexual dynamics. This takes intelligence and social skills, and is an attractive quality to have.
- Indicates you might not be exclusive with her either. This is subtle, but insinuating she is dating other people indicates to her that you are comfortable with it, and therefore she might not be the only girl you are seeing either.
Only use this technique if you have a naturally cheeky personality, and are at an advanced level, already dating multiple girls. If you try and pull it off before then you’ll come across as disingenuous and even more jealous than you actually are!
Imagine a women saying to you “I don’t care if you sleep with other women”, in an angry voice whilst avoiding eye contact. Her body language betrays how she really feels. She will be able to tell if you are jealous or not.