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How to Harness Your Attractive Qualities When Dating

At school I was given job interview training.

It included learning the types of question I would be asked and how to respond. It involved going through mock interview situations to become comfortable in a high pressure environment.

It helped.

But inevitably when the time comes, and you get called in to sit in front of three much older, wiser and qualified interviewees who are deliberately attempting to get you on the ropes, the nerves kick in and you don’t always demonstrate your true ability.

Women respond well to men who demonstrate confidence, humour, social awareness, intelligence, leadership, power, status, humility and kindness. I don’t think anybody reading this article would argue such qualities aren’t highly attractive.

You already possess many of those character traits, you just don’t know how to access them when dating.

Because we each play different roles in certain social situations.

With your friends you come across as relaxed and funny. At work you take on a more authoritative persona to get the most out of your team members. And even if you identify as someone who lacks confidence, I’m sure you can think of at least one occasion in your life where you felt extremely sure of yourself.

The trick to being successful with women is:

  1. Understanding what character traits are attractive. I’ve given you a good list above. Reading a few articles on this website will help you understand what women want.
  2. Demonstrating those traits. To show you have them when you meet her on a date.

Sounds simple doesn’t it.

Blame the brain


The problem is your brain.

It doesn’t like change. Its motto is ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’.

Your brain’s job ISN’T to make you wildly successful with women.

Your brain’s job is to keep you ALIVE.

When you put yourself in to an awkward situation, such as going on a date with a beautiful woman, it panics. The chances of being rejected are high.

And rejection is a big deal.

Our brains are hard-wired with ancient programming from the days we lived together in groups to increase the odds of survival. Being rejected from your tribe would mean being left to fend for yourself in the cold with wild beasts roaming nearby.

You wouldn’t survive for long.

Hence why men are so sensitive to being turned down, blanked, put-down, made fun of and rejected by women.

When relaxing with your family and friends you are less likely to be rejected because they’ve known you forever. Your lizard brain relaxes. You start becoming more unfiltered and less guarded. And in that state your attractive qualities shine through.

All you have to do is bring that state of mind into a date with you, throw in some techniques to demonstrate you’re a sexual being, and she will naturally be drawn to you. Because you are showing the REAL you, not some sub-standard version of yourself.

Re-train your brain

Super Mario Bros

So how DO you ensure you can access those attractive character traits when you are on a date?

  • Notice your thoughts. Be present. Notice how you are feeling whilst on and preparing for a date. Remind yourself those thoughts are only your brain using an outdated defence mechanism designed to keep you safe. Thank your brain for this, but tell it this time you’re OK to proceed.
  • Hypnotise yourself. Even if you don’t believe in hypnosis, I urge you to download or listen to a confidence building hypnosis track (check Youtube). Listen to it several times a week and you will start to notice a difference in your attitude. Hypnosis is an excellent way to re-train your brain fast.
  • Practise in similar situations. Suppose you are chatty and outgoing with your friends, but shy and introverted on dates. Pick a middle-ground environment, such as talking to a male co-worker. Notice how you don’t act the same as you did with friends, but you’re not nearly as closed down as on dates. Practise accessing your chatty state with the co-worker until it feels natural. Then go talk to a female co-worker. Repeat the process. Continue making the environment more challenging until you are able to bring your attractive personality traits into the dating environment.
  • The dating game. People take life far too seriously. Treat everything like a game. Remember when you first played Super Mario on the Nintendo Entertainment System in the early nineties? Did you expect to complete it on your first attempt? Of course not. But neither did you give up the first time you fell into a crevasse. You EXPECTED it and embraced it as part of the process. Only by failing multiple times did you complete the first level. And only by completing the first level did you go on to complete the game. If you have a bad date IT DOESN’T MATTER. If a woman stops texting you IT DOESN’T MATTER. It’s all part of the process. Don’t take it to heart.
  • Repeat. The first time I went to a nightclub I was scared. I remember waiting in the queue apprehensively. I had no idea what was going on inside. I had no mental reference points, and so my brain was telling me I was in a potentially dangerous situation. Once inside I calmed down. It wasn’t so scary after all. The next time I queued up I was excited. My brain was now conditioned to experience pleasure because it had the previous time to use as a reference point. The more dates you go on, the more reference points your brain will have to feed on. BUT, you must focus only on the positive aspects of the date. Even if it was terrible, there will always be something positive to take away (e.g. she showed up, you correctly led her to the bar, you kissed her on the cheek, etc.). If you start concentrating only on the negative you will be training your brain to expect bad things to happen rather than good. And guess what- they will.


Learning to be successful with women is about understanding what character traits they find attractive, then learning to access those traits (because you already possess them) in a dating environment.

Your brain will vehemently attempt to sabotage you. Understand you can override the thoughts it generates. Continually strive to de-sensitise yourself to the negatives, and exaggerate the positives to create a virtuous feedback loop. Over time this process will become automatic and unconscious.

Eventually you’ll be able to bring your true self to a date and demonstrate your attractive qualities with little effort.

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