Are you getting sucked into the details and missing the big picture when dating?
I ask this because I see men who are so desperate to find a women who will date them (and/or sleep with them) it blinds them to the obvious, and they start focusing on the wrong things.
This urge is entirely understandable. If you’ve had no success in your dating history, you are naturally going to gravitate towards quick fixes.
- The video that shows you “the one secret line you need to say to any woman to make her instantly attracted to you”.
- The single little “trick” you can do to get her eating out of your hand.
- “The three secret questions you MUST ask her to make her fall for you”.
Let me make two things perfectly clear.
- There is no one thing you can do as a man that will make every woman attracted to you, no matter what the marketing copy tells you. It’s a numbers game.
- The techniques you read about online DO work. Yes, there are particular words you can say which will have a positive effect on most women. Yes you can induce trance like states. Yes if you send “this particular text message” you might make her horny. But that is the last 20%. You need to sort out the other 80% first.
Bob is unemployed, wears scruffy jeans and a dirty t-shirt, has bad body odour, and can’t look a woman in the eye due to crippling lack of self-confidence.
Bob goes online and learns the latest “magic technique to get woman” others are raving about.
He goes out to a bar, tries it, and fails miserably. His self-esteem drops even further and he spirals into a never-ending cycle of rejection, depression, and spending money on the latest pick up method.
James works as a solicitor. He’s incredibly busy at work and only has limited time to date. He can’t respond to women rapidly over text and it sometimes goes days before he does. He often turns up to first dates wearing his work suit. He’s not an amazing dater, but knows what he wants from life and where he is heading.
He goes out to a bar with his male friends and they naturally attract the attention of women. Despite not knowing any dating strategies or pickup lines, he doesn’t struggle to find women to talk to or ask out.
The difference is your core
James isn’t successful because he knows a bunch of techniques. He’s successful because of who he is. He has high natural attractiveness because of how he moves through the world.
If he isn’t meeting the right women, or his dates never go anywhere (which is unlikely), THEN he can set about learning to fine tune his dating with niche strategies.
Bob, however, needs to work on himself. He needs to work out what he wants from life, to discover his passion, and to breathe life back into himself. He needs to develop his self-image, and slowly begin to build up his self-confidence in ALL areas, not just women and dating.
Only after he has sorted out the basics should he even consider learning the more advanced stuff.
Don’t underestimate the basics
Imagine a man who wants to run a marathon for the first time. He starts obsessing over the best way to dive for the line, and what brand of energy gels will make him a few seconds faster. But he can’t even run 5km.
Take stock of your dating right now.
Ask yourself whether you have done the basics:
- you have good hygiene
- you have a sense of style and wear fashionable clothing
- you make an effort to keep in shape
- you can hold an interesting conversation
- you have a career you enjoy, or at least are working towards achieving one
- you have friends to talk to
- you can go out in public without becoming anxious
- you have a financial plan in place and manage your money well
- your self-worth comes from within, not without
- you don’t rely heavily on alcohol or drugs
- you take full responsibility for your life and don’t play the victim
- you work to minimise and remove negative emotions from you life
- you understand life is uncertain and can yet still thrive
Do these things and they will have a positive effect on your character. You’ll feel better, more relaxed, more in control. You’ll be more certain about where you are going in life.
That energy will project from within through your body language and people you meet will find you more attractive.
Only then should you work on fine tuning your dating techniques.