The Competition is a flirting technique where you explore an imaginary scenario in which you compete with your date for victory.
What is The Competition?
You make up a little story about yourself and your flirtee competing at an activity they enjoy, or tell you they are good at. You can either be in competition against each other, or compete as a team to defeat other opponents.
Why does it work?
This technique taps into the competitive spirit we all have. It’s funny because you are often introducing a competitive element into an activity not normally designed for competition, and are reversing gender roles to comic effect.
It also demonstrates humility if you have chosen to let her win. You’re sub-communicating “I don’t always have to win. I’m okay letting other people take credit for something they are good at”.
How to use The Competition
Your conversation partner (person you are attempting to flirt with) brings up an activity which she claims to be good at, or has recently participated in. The activity doesn’t have to be anything that would normally considered sporty or competitive, but it helps.
At this point you improvise a micro story in which you are both performing the activity. You describe the situation and then tell her you think she would kick your ass in said activity, or that there is no way she would win.
Which option you choose, depends on 1) your gender and 2) the gender normally associated with the activity.
- If you’re a man and the activity is often performed by men or requires strength, you should describe her winning.
- If you’re a woman and the activity is often performed by men or requires strength, you should describe you winning.
- If you’re a man and the activity is often performed by women, you should describe you winning.
- If you’re a woman and the activity is often performed by women, you should describe him winning.
Done well, you’re verbal sparring partner will add to the story, embellishing it with details and describe how she would fight back to win, or how she would destroy you.
Here’s a couple of examples showing The Competition in action.
In the first example, a woman is flirting with a man. As the activity involves strength, the woman can play the victor.
- Man: “I lifted 500lbs at the gym today.”
- Woman: “We should enter a powerlifting competition together. Obviously you’d have to go in the amateur division and I’d be a pro. 500lbs? I lifted that when I was 12.”
- Man: (laughs) “Ha. You’d so kick my ass wouldn’t you.”
In the next example, a man is flirting with a woman on a first date. As the activity is one normally associated with the male gender, he should lose.
- Woman: “I loved playing outside and riding my bike when I was younger.”
- Man: “Did you? I can see you as a pro BMX rider. I bet if we went on a second date you’d organise it at a state park just so you could show off all your half-pipe cool moves. I’d be on the floor covered in bruises and you’d be jumping over my body, kicking dirt in my face.”
- Woman: “Yeah! You’d have to hang your head in shame the rest of the day.”
Here’s an example of the two of you teaming up to compete against someone else. The man is flirting with the woman. The woman notices two guys in the bar playing pool.
- Woman: “I love pool!”
- Man: “No way! Are you any good?”
- Woman: “I’m alright, nothing special.”
- Man: “I bet you’re being modest aren’t you. If we went over to challenge them to a game right now you’d start by being all coy and when they let their guard down you’d suddenly pot everything. I can tell you’re a hustler. I’ll go set up the match and you get your game face on.”
Where people go wrong
Don’t use this technique to hijack or interrupt a story being told by the other person. If it is an activity they are highly passionate about, and you sense them launching into a monologue, bite your tongue. Use it when they mention something they did, or like doing, in passing.
Make it clear you are teasing with your body language and voice tone. They are not meant to go away thinking you are the most competitive person in the world.
If you’re a naturally competitive person, you may not be able to tell someone they are better at something than you are. This is a skill you must practise.
Practise, practise, practise! There is no sexual element to this technique so you can test it out on friends before you use it in a flirting situation.