Below is a transcript of the video.
Today, I want to talk about expectations and why they might be making you unhappy.
Hi, Ed here from DateTechnician.com, teaching you how to make friends easily and become more attractive by being memorable.
I think a lot of us have expectations about how people should act when we meet them and when we’re dating them. These expectations come from the way we were raised and what we believe is polite and what we believe is social etiquette.
Maybe you’re on a second date and you expected the guy to call back after it. Maybe you’re a guy and you bought a girl a drink in the bar and, therefore, you expected her to give you her number.
When someone doesn’t live up to those expectations, we feel bad and we feel unhappy.
If ever you do feel yourself getting annoyed with someone or angry with someone, ask yourself why is this?
What expectation have I put on them that they’re now breaking?
Often, when I say this to people, I often hear them come up with a whole range of excuses.
- Well, I would always text him back.
- I’m always there for other people.
- My parents taught me better than to act like that.
- I can’t believe he did that to me.
All of these things are really our inner kids just venting.
Don’t put your beliefs, and your values, and the way you would act onto other people.
We’re all just living our lives according to our own code of ethics and code of values that we’ve been brought up with and we’ve formed throughout the years.
You haven’t signed a contract with anyone whether that be in your friendship or dating life to say, “You must act in this certain way. If you don’t act in that certain way, then I have the right to get angry at you.”
The only person you’re really hurting by putting expectations onto other people is yourself.
You are making yourself unhappy. That other person may not even know what you expected of them.
You act according to your own values and your belief system. They act how they want to act. Hopefully, the two of you will be able to meet and form some sort of an alliance in the middle where those two things overlap. If you don’t overlap and you’re expecting them to do one thing and they don’t do it, don’t lash out to them.
I want you to try this exercise for the next week.
I want you to go into any situation, particularly in dating where you’re meeting new people for the first, and go in with no expectations. Don’t expect them to act in a certain way. Don’t expect them to pay for the bill. Don’t expect them to come home with you.
You can hope to have those things happen but don’t expect them to.