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Accept You May Lose To Improve Your Dating

I believe fear of loss is the number one reason why men suck at dating.

Imagine if you had no fear. Imagine if you had the superpower to shrug off any criticism or bad feelings.

What if you didn’t fear losing the woman you are dating?

When dating we are playing a subtle game of chess. We are, knowingly or unknowingly, carefully trying to maneuver our opponent (our date) into a corner and win. Winning might mean getting a second date to some people, a kiss to others, or a sense that ‘this might be the one’ to another.

Regardless of what your objective is, you are playing. And with any game, you risk losing. You risk your carefully constructed moves blocked and countered at every opportunity. You risk never achieving your desired outcome. (more…)

Tired woman with her head on book.

When You Just Can’t Be Bothered

I almost didn’t do three things I was supposed to today.

It was 4pm and I was still sitting on the sofa wasting time watching pointless YouTube clips.

I hadn’t done anything to progress my business or my life.

A few months ago I set myself the goal of publishing three articles a week. Monday, Wednesday, Friday, like clockwork. I stuck to this goal until last week, when I missed three deadlines in a row.

Today I had hoped to claw back one missed day, but hadn’t got around to it. (more…)

How to Harness Your Attractive Qualities When Dating

At school I was given job interview training.

It included learning the types of question I would be asked and how to respond. It involved going through mock interview situations to become comfortable in a high pressure environment.

It helped.

But inevitably when the time comes, and you get called in to sit in front of three much older, wiser and qualified interviewees who are deliberately attempting to get you on the ropes, the nerves kick in and you don’t always demonstrate your true ability.

Women respond well to men who demonstrate confidence, humour, social awareness, intelligence, leadership, power, status, humility and kindness. I don’t think anybody reading this article would argue such qualities aren’t highly attractive. (more…)

annoyed woman on date

How to Act on a First Date When Things Aren’t Going Well

Recently I showed up to a first date to be greeted with somewhat of a lacklustre response.

I met her in a public place (as specified in my first date blueprint), near the bar I’d chosen as our date venue.

She was standing waiting, absentmindedly glancing at her phone.

I approached, touched her arm, and introduced myself.

I like to think I’m good at reading body language. I’ve read several books on the subject, including Alan and Barbara Pease’s classic The Definitive Book of Body Language and practised the techniques extensively in both business and social settings. (more…)

girl swimming underwater

Seriousness vs Exclusivity When Dating

The reaction of most people to the concept of non-exclusive relationships is skepticism. They are for people who ‘haven’t found the right one’, ‘need to grow up’ or are ‘commitment-phobes’.

But is this view accurate? Should all non-exclusive relationships be labelled as unrealistic fantasies of an infantile male mind?

I would argue a strong ‘No’.

Consider two exclusive relationships: a 15 year old boy going out with his first girlfriend and a couple happily married for 50 years. Tarring all non-monogamous relationships as childish is the equivalent of labelling both of these as the same. (more…)

Improve Your Dating By Shifting Your Viewpoint

Last night I went to a guided meditation.

I’m no stranger to meditation. I’ve dabbled in the past with floatation tanks, attended a one day mindfullness workshops, listened to binaural beats audio tracks, and completed a practitioner course in Reiki (although acknowledge any benefits are due to the Placebo Effect).

I believe in the power of meditation to relax, let go and de-stress.

But when people try and explain how such things work by talking about chakras, energy flows, or other mystical talk, my skeptical mind is activated.

The leader of the guided meditation began with a 15 minute pseudo-science talk about how it worked, enthusiastically pointing to an artistically drawn, medically accurate outline of a human body, with colourful energy lines running through it.


Women behind the curtain

Living Life Behind the Curtain

A woman recently told me she was withdrawing the ‘benefits’ from our friends with benefits arrangement because things were going well with a guy she’d met and wanted to settle down. She’d let me know if things didn’t work out between them.

“That’s absolutely fine”, I told her. “I hope it works for you”. We’d been happily sleeping together for a few weeks, despite her knowing I was seeing other women.

A week later, it’s mid-morning and I’m on WhatsApp chatting with another woman making final preparations for a threesome. I’ve only known her three weeks and slept with her twice, yet she’s willing and eager, just as I am. She too has recently found someone who she might make her boyfriend, but still wants one last sex-fest with me and another girl before she commits to him.