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Breaking the Touch Barrier on a Date: A Picture Guide

Many guys never touch a woman during a date. This is a MASSIVE mistake.

You must learn to become comfortable touching people when talking to them. This includes colleagues and friends, but especially woman you are romantically attracted to.

It’s the easiest way to show confidence and indicate you are interested in her sexually, and position yourself as a Lover rather than a Friend.

Don’t wait until the second or third date to touch her. Do it within 10 minutes of the first date starting.

Don’t build it up in your head. It is super easy to do.

Below are some ways to do it, along with pictures to help you understand what is going on.

Beginner: Beginning of date

Touching should be natural, but the first time you do it with a new woman can be scary. The first few touches should be light, quick and somewhere you would feel appropriate touching your mother.

  • Guiding her by holding out your hand for her is gentlemanly and an excellent way to break the touch barrier.

Hand holding on first date

  • Hold the door open for her to enter the bar but place your free hand behind her on her lower back for the briefest of touches (not in front like this picture).

Hman holding door

  • Here’s an example of guiding her using a light touch on the lower back. Image source: Daily Mail breaking the touch barrier

  • Sitting opposite on a date is a bad idea. In the image below she’s too far away to touch. Sit close to her.

hot woman on date

  • Notice the guy in the light blue shirt is using a moment of laughter to lean into the blonde on his right. Although she isn’t looking, she’ll be aware of his move into her personal space. On a date, use high points of a conversation to lean in to her.

lean in to her

  • Lean in to touch her arm on a high point in the conversation, just as this woman is doing to the man. However, notice how far her arm has to travel because they are sitting opposite each other. When sitting next to each other this touch feels more natural. Image source: Body Language Experts

touching on date

Intermediate: Touch her more intimately

As you get into the date and building rapport you can start to touch her more suggestively. I would normally start this around 20 minutes in, perhaps sooner if things are going well.

  • Place your hand briefly on her lower back when asking a question. You can do this as you’re stood at the bar, once some rapport has been built.

touching her on back

  • Lean in to whisper something flirty in her ear, allowing your shoulders and arms to touch. This is super easy when you’re sat next to her.

first date advice

  • Take her wrist and inspect her bracelets or hand jewellery. Obviously this picture shows one set of hands, but imagine the hand on the left is yours, and you are lightly touching and inspecting her wrist whilst asking where she got the bracelets from.

woman with bracelets

  • Touch her thigh. One way is to use it to get her attention whilst pointing something out.

Touch her thigh to get her attention whilst pointing something out

Advanced: Ramping up the sexual tension

Once you’ve touched her a few times it’s time to increase the sexual tension by touching her in places her friends wouldn’t. I’m not talking about her breasts or privates parts. I mean her ears, neck and hair.

Only do this if you have built enough attraction and rapport.


Be careful not to do this in a creepy way. There’s a very fine line between creepy and sexy. But understand you will never get into a relationship, keep her attracted to you, kiss her or sleep with her if you keep your touches rated PG.

  • Point something out whilst standing behind and a little to the side of her.

Couple laughing

  • If you notice an interesting necklace, reach forwards and take it between your fingers, inspecting it closely. Done right, she will lift her chin up to expose her neck to you. Look at it for a couple of seconds, then lean back and ask her about it.

woman wearing necklace

  • Brush away the hair from her face in order to expose earrings she is wearing. Then lightly hold her ear lobe as you inspect it. Spend no more than a second holding her ear.

brushing back hair

  • When going for the kiss, hold her hand lightly and ensure your bodies are close. It signals the kiss is about to happen.

kissing on date

  • A lingering touch is risky. But after the kiss, if she responded well you can sit with your hand on her leg.

Attractive anonymous couple on a date

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