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Hand holding on first date

The Benefits of Being Sexual on a First Date

As part of my university degree I had to spend time in the chemistry lab. I didn’t particularly like chemistry, but luckily was assigned an attractive female lab partner who worked alongside me.

I wasn’t so shy that I didn’t know how to interact with women. In fact, I was almost too good at talking to them. I made several female friends over my time at university, and the majority of my friends now are women.

My lab partner was no exception. We regularly joked and laughed together whilst performing the experiments. Little did she know I wanted to perform some experiments with her in the bedroom!

sexual first dateI never did ask her out on a date. I was too scared of her saying no, and simply didn’t know what to say. Although I would gladly have given my left arm to spend a single night with her (I was still a virgin at this point) I was too scared to show my sexual side, and as a result she essentially viewed me as a eunuch, a “safe guy” she could depend on, but would never date or sleep with.

The same situation gets played out over and over again all over the world. Guys develop feelings for a girl, but the girl has no idea, or just sees the guy as a friend. After a while, the guy decides to make his move and ask her out on a date. The girl is shocked. She suddenly realises her guy friend has a dick and wants to put it in her! She recoils in disgust with an “Ewww! But you’re my friend! Let’s keep it that way”.

If I had asked my lab partner out after weeks of working with her, she probably would have had the same reaction.

I’m not saying you can’t turn a friend into a girlfriend, but it is difficult, especially if your behaviour is being caused by your nice guy mentality. And it’s even more unlikely she will agree to enter a non-exclusive relationship with you if you do somehow succeed in sleeping with her.

The ONLY way to prevent this from happening is to be a sexual man from the start, from the very first date. You MUST make her aware of your sexual energy and never hide it from her. Then let her decide if she is attracted to you or not.

What exactly is a sexual guy?

When I say a sexual guy, I’m not talking about a pervy guy who stands in the corner of the bar and rubs his thighs ogling all the sweet eighteen year old flesh. That won’t get you anywhere.

No, a sexual guy is someone completely comfortable with his sexuality, and is willing to show that side of himself in a cool, relaxed and seductive way to women without worrying about what they will think.

A sexual guy:

  • is comfortable talking to women about sex.
  • doesn’t think it’s a big deal when women start describing their fantasies to him. It happens all the time.
  • gives off a vibe of being experienced around women, both inside and outside the bedroom.
  • touches women seductively when on a date.
  • is happy in his own skin.
  • doesn’t feel like he has to prove anything to anyone.
  • knows his mission in life and works hard to attain it.
  • doesn’t try and hide his desire to sleep with a women.
  • isn’t scared of taking her to bed quickly.

Why be a sexual guy?

There are so many advantages to projecting a sexual vibe to the women you are with on a first date. The main purpose is to make her see you as a Lover, not a Provider.

Women are drawn to two types of men, the Provider and the Lover.

  • The Provider. The guy she settles down with and marries. He’s kind, dependable, always there for her in her hour of need, and willing to alter his lifestyle to be with her. Providers make excellent boyfriends due to their reliability. They don’t give her the massive sparks of attraction that the Lover provides, but she knows where she stands with him. His stability and security is important especially as she gets older and needs someone to help her raise a child.
  • The Lover. The guy she wants to hook up with. The guy she meets in a bar and has a one night stand with. The guy who always leaves her hanging, cancels plans with her, and is often too busy fulfilling his life purpose to meet her. She thinks about him often, and actively chases him for sex. He is dominant in bed and she does all sorts of crazy, kinky stuff with him she would never do with a regular boyfriend. She knows he will never settle down with her, and is probably sleeping with other women as well, but, damn, she wants him so bad!

girl biting lip on date

Being sexual with her on the first date sets the frame for the rest of your relationship. You need her to categorise you as a Lover not a Provider, regardless of what type of relationship you want in the future.

Giving off a Lover vibe on a first date will:

  • Screen out girls who are looking for serious relationships. Women know the Lover isn’t going to settle for a serious, monogamous relationship. If she is put off by your Lover frame then you find out immediately.
  • Screen out women who have issues regarding sex. A couple of girls I’ve come across have emotional problems related to sex due to their upbringing or past trauma. I want to be with women who are sexually open and liberated. A Lover frame will quickly identify women who have sexual hangups.
  • It’s easier to set the non-exclusive frame. At some point you are going to have to tell the woman you are with that you are dating and sleeping with other women. If you are already giving off a sexual vibe she is more likely to accept your frame. Deep down she already knows it is happening as other women will be massively attracted to you, like she is. Giving off a Provider frame and then playing switcharoo after 3 months is like pulling out the carpet from under her feet and expecting her to not fall over. She will get upset because in her mind you’ve promised her one thing (exclusivity, leading to engagement, leading to marriage, leading to kids), then changed your mind (non-exclusivity and potential instability).
  • Keep you out of the Friend Zone. It is pretty much impossible to be Friend Zoned when you give off a sexual vibe. You will polarise women. They will run for the hills or get turned on. They won’t try and make you into a friend. Stop pretending you don’t have a cock and surprising women with it when they least expect it.
  • Make women start fantasising about you. They will miss you. They will think naughty thoughts about you after your date. They will chase you down for a second date. Their biology compels them to seek out the confident, dominant, sexual man to get his Alpha genes, just as us men HAVE to look at every pretty girl in a short skirt walking down the street. Neither of the genders can rewire our true animalistic natures.
  • Make women want sex sooner. Of the last eight women I’ve slept with, two have been on a first date, two have been on a third date, and four have been on a second date. Before I learned to be a sexual guy it would take me five plus dates to get to first sex, if it happened at all! Giving off a sexual vibe communicates to women you are going to give them the sex session of their life, and won’t shame them for wanting to sleep with you. By the way, you must live up to her expectations in the bedroom. If you do, she’ll come back for more.
  • Make women open up to you sexually. They will tell you their fantasies on a first date. They will entertain the idea of a threesome. They will send you naked photos of themselves. They will be far more liberated in the bedroom, despite only agreeing to missionary with their last boyfriend. If you have any kinks at all, being a sexual guy up front is more likely to get them satisfied.

You might be thinking, “But I just want to be her boyfriend!”. It doesn’t matter. You will have a much higher change of becoming her boyfriend if you approach your first date from a Lover standpoint and later down the line expose more of your Provider traits, than the other way around.

Spark attraction in her and sleep with her quickly. After that you can decide what you want the relationship to look like. I recommend you try being non-exclusive with her for as long as you can).

The sexual guy mindset

In order to give off a sexual vibe and position yourself as a Lover in the minds of the women you date, you first need to:

  • Be authentic. In order to be a truly sexual man you must love women. You must be going on dates because you enjoy the company of women, not just because you are trying to manipulate them into sleeping with you. Your intentions must come from a good place.
  • Calibrate to the woman you’re with. Some women are very sexual and will be highly flirtatious on a first date. Other women will be more reserved and won’t have discussed sex with anyone at all. Therefore, you should always calibrate what you say. Test the waters using innuendos. If she smiles or laughs, then you are good to go.
  • Know your story? Your own personal story should dictate how you act. My frame is that I want women to experience intense pleasure, in ways that no other man they have been with before can provide. I see myself as someone who helps them expand their sexual boundaries and experience everything a highly sexual relationship offers. Whenever I am on a date I keep my story in mind, and ensure my actions come from that place.

Specific techniques for a date

Once you’ve got the above three elements sorted, you can incorporate specific tactics into your repertoire.

  • guy necklace on dateWear man jewellery or accessories. Ever notice how male rock stars often wear wristbands, necklaces, rings and earrings? It’s part of their look, and their look is what gives them a sexual vibe. Pick a piece of jewellery or accessory that suits you and wear it on dates. Make sure it is visible, even if subtle. I personally wear a leather necklace and a string band on one wrist. I’ve worn rings in the past but I don’t like how they feel. Not only do ‘man accessories’ project an interesting vibe to the girl, but it also gives her a conversational thread and reason to touch you.
  • Sort your style. Sorry dude, but the grey tracksuit isn’t going to cut it. You must make some effort in your appearance. I’m not saying you have to turn up to every date in a suit, but don’t look like a slob. Put some effort into co-ordinating your clothes, even if you’re going for a casual look.
  • Ask about her earrings. This is a brilliant way to get sexual fast. Within the first 30 minutes of a date I will always ask her about them. As I do so I reach over, brush her hair aside and lightly touch her earlobe. This is a ballsy move. Do it slowly and deliberately. Don’t rush or lunge at her – you’ll scare her! Simply complement them, ask her a question about them, and reach over and touch her. You can so the same if she is wearing bracelet or necklace. Or for maximum effect, start with her bracelet, then comment on how well it matches her earrings. You get two touches within seconds. Very few guys will touch her like this on a first date, and it will drive her crazy (in a good way).
  • Examine her hands. Ever had a girl reach over and take hold of your hands? Feels fantastic doesn’t it. You can give your date that feeling whenever you want. Simply reach over, take her hand and say “How big are your hands?”. It’s a stupid line, and doesn’t really mean anything. But she won’t care. She’ll just remember the tingles she feels as you were touching her. I often place my palm on hers and compare hand sizes. It only takes a couple of seconds but it’s playful and confident, all things which indicate you’re a sexual guy.
  • Ask her what the worst date she’s been on is. Read any magazine and they will tell you not to discuss past relationships on a date. But this stuff is GOLD! Asking her to describe a terrible date is fun (because you get to hear a funny story) and sets you apart (because she can’t help but look at you in a favourable light compared to the men she will describe, who have been awful).
  • sex standing upAsk her to describe the most exciting sex she’s ever had. Get her talking about mind-blowing sex and guess what, she’s going to get turned on. And she’s going to associate those feelings with you because you are there with her. When she describes her experiences it is CRITICAL that you do not judge her, do not get jealous at the thought of her with another man (or woman!), and don’t act like a fourteen year old boy who has just seen porn for the first time, sitting there with wide eyes and your tongue hanging out. Remember, women tell you this kind of stuff all the time (and they will if you use the techniques on this site). Instead, lean back, listen to her as though she was describing a walk in the park. Once she’s done, I often give her a positive affirmation, saying something like “That DOES sound exciting. I love how experimental you are” (replace experimental with a more appropriate word based on the story she’s told).
  • Make something she says sound sexual. Another favourite of mine. In London there’s a burger chain called Five Guys. A girl once said to me “I had Five Guys last night on the way home”. My brain couldn’t resist such an obvious set up, so I responded “What were their names?” with a cheeky smile. “You’re so inappropriate!” she retorted, playfully swatting me on the arm. Learn to think quickly on your feet and don’t be afraid to say something that pops into your head, even if it is very sexual. As long as you don’t use this technique all the time, and have built a certain amount of rapport with the girl, you will get away with it, and ramp up her attraction to you.


You must communicate to a woman from the very first date that you are a sexual guy. Do this by becoming comfortable with your masculine energy, and know that it is OK to want to sleep with her. By attempting to hide your desires from her you won’t trigger attraction in her, and she won’t see you again.

In order to be seen as a sexual guy, and be cast as a Lover not a Provider, use some of the strategies above to verbally and non-verbally communicate what you are about. Doing this makes it far easier to sleep with the women you date FAST (by the third date at the latest) and makes it easy to negotiate a non-exclusive arrangement once you’ve been dating for a while.

2 thoughts on “The Benefits of Being Sexual on a First Date

  1. Do you have any advice for guys who don’t want want to weed out girls who are looking for a serieus relationship?(because I myself for example would like to be married by the time I turn 30) Like a combination of Lover and Provider traits maybe. Or would that just send a weird mixed message?

    1. Provider traits are okay when she has worked and given her efforts to make you settle for her. At first be the lover, even if you’re up for a provider term, be it anyone everyone loves to bear the fruit of hard work so what I am saying be the hardest challenge and she’ll always know how hard it was to get you (the prize). I don’t know what happens with a woman’s mind but once you have sex they tend to stick more to you if she’s not screwing around. So figure someone more conservative and you have a good chance at a life partner.

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