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Sexy woman in underwear

When is a Women Ready for Sex?

A reader recently wrote to me with a question:

Thanks for your content man. I have been following your blog for a while and find it extremely helpful. You said you tended to have sex with girls on second dates. Yet there are a few cases you had sex with girls on first dates also. I’m wondering if you can tell me about what signs should I look for in a girl to know that she’s ready to be pulled on the first date? Or writing a blog post on this topic for other readers will be even better. Thanks a lot man. I’m looking forward to hearing from you. Here’s what I replied.

Thanks for the question!

I guess the first thing to say is I don’t go on a first date expecting sex. I prefer to get into casual dating where I see the girl once a week or so and have sex, rather than a one night stand.

But, if I feel I have a connection with her on the first date, I’m fine with having sex.

As for signs to look for, it is a mixture of reading her body language, what the conversation is like, and how you framed your online messaging conversations with her before you meet.

Prior to meeting I am typically flirty over chat, and use innuendo. This helps me gauge how into me she is, how open she is to fast sex, and indicates to her I’m more on the lover than provider/boyfriend material side of the scale.

Once on the date I look for a few things. These are NOT sure fire ways to know if she wants sex, but if she is doing many of them then she might be:

  1. It’s a Friday or Saturday night. She is less likely to sleep with you if she needs to be in work the next morning.

  2. She asks if you live alone. She doesn’t want anyone else knowing she slept with you.

  3. She touches you a lot, particularly if it is in sensitive areas such as your chest, thighs.

  4. She gives you the fuck me eyes. She just stares straight at you wide eyed with those puppy dog eyes.

  5. She reacts well when you talk about sex and is interested in what you say about it.

  6. She’s drinking a lot. More alcohol means less inhibitions and plausible deniability for her the next day.

  7. She mentions how late it is and how the trains will stop running and she should go, but stays exactly where she is.

  8. She asks if you want another drink. This means she likes your company, wants to spend more time with you, and might be trying to get you drunk.

  9. She’s under 30. It is my experience younger women tend to me more up for experimenting with their sexuality. Older women are looking for a boyfriend.

  10. The kind of app you met on / how you met. If you met through friends then she probably won’t sleep with you because she doesn’t want it getting back to them. If you are on a website like match.com which is more for serious relationships then this too lowers the chances. If she is on tinder and you have no mutual friends and she can be anonymous, then chances are higher. And if you met on a sex app like Feeld then it’s even more likely sex will happen.

  11. She asks what you’ve got on the next morning. She may be checking to see if you have to get up early and therefore can’t go home with her.

That’s all I can think of for now. As mentioned, I only invite her home on the first date if I’m very sure sex will happen. Otherwise you’ll blow your chances of getting a second date.

Hope that helps.

OKCupid Message Word Cloud

Analysing Eleven Months Worth of OKCupid Messages

I’m fascinated by how men and women interact with each other over online dating chat.

I love hearing anecdotes from guys and girls about what supposedly works and what doesn’t. I’ve even written an article or two (how not do text, how to move from online to offline) with examples of how I typically work it.

Being a data driven kinda guy, I got very excited when I stumbled across a Reddit Thread where a woman described using a Python script to download all her OKCupid conversations, Word Cloud them, and analyse commonly used phrases.

I decided to do the same for my own OKCupid account. (more…)

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The Art of Listening to Build a Strong Emotional Connection

How well do you listen?

An odd question to put on a website about dating. But I am going to argue that listening is THE best way to build an emotional connection with someone.

I was at a dinner for around 30 people and I was sat next to a woman who I’d just met. Over the space of about an hour we talked together about life, work, and the past.

I didn’t do or say anything remarkable.

I didn’t use any pickup lines or techniques.

I just listened carefully and was curious about her.

She did the same to me.

After the meal the whole group moved on to a bar for more drinks. The woman I had been talking to came up to me and said she felt a strong connection to me. I felt it too.

This wasn’t a lustful, passionate connection.

It’s foundations weren’t physical attraction (although no doubt that helped). This was a knowing, caring connection, one which no doubt could have transformed into a relationship should either of us have wanted. (more…)

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Supercharge Your Self-Improvement By Feeding Forward

Feedback.

It’s a useful part of learning.

But it may slowing your rate of improvement.

When attempting to walk for the first time we always fall onto our backsides. And yet each time we learn something new about the skills required. We learn what worked and what didn’t.

Whatever your goal is, it is important to engage in meaningful practise. In Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell talks about the principles of deliberate practise.

It’s no good doing something over and over if you are doing the wrong thing, or not reflecting on your practise sessions from time to time. (more…)

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Get the Dating Basics Sorted First

Are you getting sucked into the details and missing the big picture when dating?

I ask this because I see men who are so desperate to find a women who will date them (and/or sleep with them) it blinds them to the obvious, and they start focusing on the wrong things.

This urge is entirely understandable. If you’ve had no success in your dating history, you are naturally going to gravitate towards quick fixes. (more…)

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How to Tell if a Woman Likes You

You’ve got the hots for someone in your friendship group, or someone at work, and have no idea if they like you back.

What to do…

First up, you must get into a conversation with her. Yes, you will sometimes notice approach invitation signals from her, but typically men suck at picking up on them.

If you haven’t already spoken to her, go and have a chat. Only then will you have some real feedback to determine if she likes you or not.

In this article I’ll look at a few things you should pay attention for in order to tell if a woman likes you. (more…)

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How to Deal with Uncertainty When Dating

Life is far from certain.

  • The economy could crash.
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  • You could play and win the lottery this week.
  • You might be knocked down by a bus on your way home.
  • You could ace that presentation you’re giving to your boss.
  • You could meet the love of your life at the bus stop tomorrow.

We all know nothing is certain in this world, and yet we LOVE to think about it.

And because our brains know a negative experience is more dangerous to our survival than a positive one, we have a habit of focusing on what could go wrong rather than what could go right. (more…)

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Flirty Conversation Series: Coupled Up Projection

Flirty Conversation Series

This article is part of the Flirty Conversation Series, designed to teach you techniques for flirting successfully with anyone you talk to. This series is written to help men and women. He/She pronouns are interchangeable, and often one is chosen purely for simplicity of writing.

What is the Coupled Up Projection

Coming up with a wild scenario featuring the two of you in an outlandish situation in the future, where you are together and conquering the world. (more…)