I’m always weary of dating articles. Many are written by people with no real-world experience, re-hashing the same old advice that has been around for years, doesn’t work, and is too abstract to put into practise.
So when I stumbled across an article written by The Unknown Don on SoSuave.com titled ‘Sharing 25 Years of Dating Wisdom‘ I read with interest. I was delighted to see such a rock solid list of sage dating advice, written by someone who is older, and clearly knows what it takes to be successful with women.
I highly encourage you to read the entire list of 33 points, but wanted to comment on those that resonate strongly with me, my methods of coaching, and what have had the greatest impact on my success with women.
My picks of The Unknown Don’s dating wisdom
4) Women generally do the selecting in the earliest phases of a relationship. Once a woman has committed herself emotionally, the balance of power shifts to the man (assuming he has some degree of self-confidence).
Absolutely. Women are in control prior to sex. They do the choosing. (How many times have you been approached by a woman in a bar?)
Post sex, however, the pair-bonding chemicals start flowing and feelings of attachment start to surface. It may take a few days, it may take a few weeks, but it happens. Understand this and don’t treat a woman who develops feelings for you poorly.
That doesn’t mean no tough times. You may have to break a woman’s heart by breaking up with her because you feel she isn’t right for you, but always attempt to do it in a considerate and caring way. And similarly, if she breaks up with you, let her go.
From the the outset of your interactions you should be giving off a Lover vibe (read The Three Types of Men in Her World). This, and not seeing her too often will prolong the dating phase, stop her and you becoming too emotional towards each other, and allow you to decide what type of relationship you would like (serious vs casual, monogamous vs non-monogamous).
Once your decision has been made, act accordingly.
9) Just like there are many men who are simply assholes, the same goes for women. If a woman is rude or inconsiderate in the first few dates, move on immediately — it will not get better with time.
Some woman will simply not be your type. Make a list of character traits you won’t accept, and drop any women from your life who exhibit them. Don’t chase her simply because of her physical attractiveness.
12) The vast majority of men get rejected much more often than they seal the deal. If you are rejected you are simply shooting par. Relax.
Most successful business men have been bankrupt or failed in the past. The difference is they endured those loses and learned from them.
No man in the world can attract every woman he goes after (despite what some might claim).
Dating is a numbers game. Learning dating techniques increases your success rate, but won’t make you perfect. You will still be rejected on a regular basis. Learn to shrug it off and move on.
16) Humans are generally not very good at monogamy. Most men in long-term relationships cheat to varying degrees, and a great number of women do as well. It’s simply a matter of biology. If you discover that your significant other had an affair, the best course of action may sometimes be to take the high road and let it go.
I advocate dating multiple women in order to experience a variety of female energy and prevent you acting out of fear or neediness. Only when you experience abundance and are not scared of being alone will you be able to see what type of relationship you desire, and who you want it to be with.
However, I would not stay with a monogamous partner if they cheated on me. I agree we are not built for monogamous relationships, and therefore would not enter into one lightly.
If you feel the desire to cheat than perhaps a non-monogamous relationship is more suitable (although few men can handle this situation due to inability to deal with jealousy).
17) Never, never, never be afraid to approach a female. To reiterate: they all have the same body parts, and they are all composed of Carbon, Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, and trace elements. There isn’t a single woman on Earth who is “above” you, no matter what her affectations and social pretense.
Easier said than done. A beautiful woman has the power to reduce most men to gibbering wrecks. But I like his way of looking at all humans as joined together atoms as a mental trick to reduce anxiety. Ultimately we all just want to be known and loved.
29) Never avoid discussing something that bothers you out of fear of losing the relationship. Most relationships will – sooner or later – be lost anyway. It’s better to stand up for yourself early on.
At some point you will be faced with the choice of saying something you know will annoy her, or keeping quiet and feeling resentful.
ALWAYS take the direct and communicative route. Don’t let your feelings fester. She’ll sense something is off and that alone can ruin a relationship.
But, that doesn’t mean spill your guts whenever you feel the tiniest bit emotional. You are a strong, powerful man, remember? Only bring up issues that are important and affect you strongly. And when you do bring it up, do so in a calm and controlled manner. Never become angry or raise your voice.
This is another reason to date multiple woman. If you only have one woman in your life, and she is giving you a lot of drama, you will be too scared to let her go, or tell her the behaviour is unacceptable. When you have abundance, you can withdraw your attention from her and focus it elsewhere. She’ll soon understand you won’t accept drama from her.
31) There is an inverse relationship between self-confidence and concern with what others think of you.
Spot on. Applies to all areas of life, not just dating. Learning to become unconcerned with how others perceive you takes work, but gets easier with age.
As a starter, read some of the books on my recommended reading page. Learn to meditate, and understand your ego is often sabotaging you. Tune out of your negative thoughts, and never take anything someone says to you personally. Negative comments come from people who are unhappy themselves. Don’t hate them for it, but instead seek to understand and empathise.
And remember, people are too wrapped up worrying about their own lives to take much notice of you. Do your own thing, and live your own life.
32) Self-confident men desire sex, but don’t dwell on it.
Men who are successful with women don’t hide the fact they like sex. They aren’t ashamed of their desires, and they let the women they are dating know it through their words and actions. Learn to be sexual from the first date, without being creepy.