Below is the most important text on this website, yet most of you will skip it.
Yes, I write often about techniques and tactics to improve your dating and social skills. But none of them will work if you don’t apply the principles below.
Imagine an iceberg, the majority of its mass below the surface of the water. These principles are that mass, and are responsible for 80% of your success.
Someone who embodies all these principles would be incredibly successful in all aspects of life, even before they learned the nuances of social dynamics.
I promise if you do you’ll reap live a happier and more successful life rich with friends, money, experiences and fulfilling relationships.
Take the principles below to heart. Remind yourself of them daily. Make them part of who you are.
- Take responsibility
- Respect others
- Master your mind
- Evolve continuously
- Love yourself
- Lead a fulfilling life
- Be bold
- Dare to be different
1. Take responsibility
People often take credit for their successes but are quick to blame others for their failures.
You are responsible for both.
If you failed, it’s down to you to understand why so you succeed next time.
Taking responsibility does not mean accepting blame if something is not your fault. But it does mean accepting the consequences and dealing with them in a mature manner.
You’ve got no money because you haven’t got a job? Instead of sitting around complaining about your situation DO something to change it. Take responsibility.
You whine you don’t have time to date because you are too busy with other stuff in your life? Accept you are responsible for your life. Re-evaluate your priorities and develop a strategy to rectify the situation. It may mean changing jobs, sleeping less, going out drinking with friends one less night a week, negotiating with your boss to work 4 days a week. There is always a solution. Take responsibility.
You’re overweight and in poor health? Don’t sue the fast food companies or blame your ‘slow metabolism’. Take responsibility. You are the one putting food into your body, no-body else.
2. Respect others
In the UK, the Prime Minister and his opposition may not agree on the best way to run the country, but they still recognise the man or woman behind the political points of view.
They both appreciate the difficulty of the job, the long hours, the years of campaigning to get to where they want to be, having to juggle a career with a family life.
Because of this they still respect each other even when arguing their point in parliament.
If they got together in private they would have much in common, should they choose to put aside their differences.
Respect everyone around you. Even if you disagree with what they are saying, respect their right to say it.
Try your hardest to empathise. Why do they have these views? What underlying beliefs are causing them to act in the way they do? Seek to understand their world.
Understand we are all product of our environment and upbringing. Look kindly upon people who may not have been as fortunate as you growing up.
Avoid judgements based on race, religion, class or culture.
Despite having nothing in common you must still respect people for the way they want to live their lives. Once you do, you’ll find making friends, and getting along with people much easier.
3. Master your mind
The real secret of life and dating is mind mastery.
Understand no-one can make you feel anything. Only you allow yourself to feel a particular way.
Feeling sad because someone dumped you? You are making yourself feel sad, not the other person.
Getting angry with waiting in the queue to pay at a supermarket? You are the one allowing yourself to feel angry, not the people in line or the slow checkout guy.
Uncover and eliminate negative thought patterns and limiting beliefs from your life.
Learn to watch negative thoughts and emotions float through your mind as though you were watching clouds in the sky. You can notice them without clinging on to them or letting them affect your mental state.
Train yourself to get back up when you are knocked down, because you will be multiple times.
Train yourself to care less about what other people think about you and the way you live your life.
Understand that you can always reframe a situation to your advantage. Stuck on a slow moving train for 30 minutes longer than you planned? Use the time to further your knowledge by reading or watch a funny video to make you smile.
A stranger unkindly calls you fat? Thank them for their honesty and use surge of emotions as motivation to start a fitness regimen.
Believe you’re too short or ugly to date an attractive person? Rubbish. You mind is lying to you.
Too stupid to start a multi-million pound business? Bullshit. You mind is lying to you.
You can do whatever you set your mind to, IF you have you mind working with you not against you.
4. Evolve continuously
Don’t stand still. There’s always something about yourself you can improve.
Read more. Learn as much as you can about yourself.
Hit the gym. Keep yourself physically fit and healthy.
Review your goals regularly. Are you pushing yourself? Do you even have goals? Make goals for finance, relationships and business.
5. Love yourself
Although you should strive for continuous improvement, you must love yourself as you are now.
This is not a contradiction.
You can love yourself and want to change something about yourself at the same time.
Basically don’t beat yourself up if you aren’t where you want to be in life. You’ll get there eventually.
Keep your ego in check. Loving yourself is not posting hundreds of photos of yourself on Instagram in order to seek validation of your self-worth from others. You should be happy in your own company and with who you are.
6. Lead a fulfilling life
What do you want from life?
Life is best experienced actively. Don’t sit back and wait for it to be over.
Build your own business. Travel the world. Get out of your boring 9 to 6 job in the city. Go clubbing every night. Party with models. Settle down with a beautiful family. Become a millionaire. Learn to sing. Make the best pizza in your town.
None of these lives is better or worse than the other. What matters is that you feel you are doing something you are passionate about, not just because you can’t be bothered to work to achieve something great.
Dare to dream, then go make it happen.
7. Be bold
Sometimes you have to leap into the unknown. You will feel scared. You will feel lonely. It’s part of the process.
Learn to push through your barriers.
Sometimes you will have to be a little pushy to get what you want.
Sometimes you will be confused, lack energy, and be unsure what to do next. That’s okay. Take action anyway.
Sometimes you will have to persuade, coerce, sell to and negotiate with to achieve your objectives. That’s fine, as long as it is done with respect.
Push on. Make decisions. Take risks. Get it wrong.
Be a leader. Be a pioneer.
8. Dare to be different
Some people will love you, others won’t. Some people will criticise you, belittle you, look down on you, or disagree with everything you stand for.
Listen to their opinion, for they may have some wisdom for you your friends are too polite to say. If they do, take it on board.
Otherwise, carry on as you were and ignore them. Remain strong.
Many people are stuck in a rut. They live life passively and are unhappy. When you come along challenging the status-quo it unnerves them. They see what can be achieved if they were willing to put some effort in. They feel envious of your success and lash out at you.
Do what feels right to you, regardless of what your family, friends, parents and society tells you is the correct way to behave. Often it is, sometimes it isn’t.