Many guys dream of dating multiple women, but few achieve it. It might be because they want the sexual variety or because they are searching for a girlfriend and need to date a lot of people to find out what qualities they like in a women.
I’m not here to find out why you want to date multiple women, just to tell you it is entirely possible, provided you follow some guidelines.
Date multiple women correctly and you can enjoy a life of variety and freedom, without anyone getting hurt. In fact, done right, dating multiple women results in less drama than conventional monogamous relationships because cheating is impossible, both parties understand the arrangement, and are not so invested they can’t walk away if things deteriorate.
1. Don’t act like a boyfriend
When dating multiple women you have to give off a Lover vibe, not a Provider/Boyfriend or Friend vibe (see The Three Types of Men in Her World). You shouldn’t be treating the women you are dating as your best friend or someone you discuss all your problems with. Remain somewhat aloof and mysterious to maintain attraction, certainly in the initial phases of dating. As you become more involved with her, you can slowly reveal more about yourself and let the relationship grow.
Keep texting to a minimum between dates and don’t buy women gifts. Don’t communicate everyday. Don’t take her on expensive dates, or be overly affectionate in public (at least for a couple of months).
Some guys won’t let their dates sleep over. I do. This one is down to your personal preference and personality. I’ve not had a problem with women sleeping over, but I do accept it can indicate a reasonable level of intent if not handled correctly.
If she invites you to meet her friends, or parents, politely decline. Make up an excuse, or simply be honest and say “It’s too soon” or “Thanks, but not right now”. By meeting her friends you are crossing over from Lover to Boyfriend territory. However, if you’ve maintained your Lover frame correctly they will rarely ask you to meet anyone they know.
2. Treat everyone respectfully
Just because you aren’t treating them like a boyfriend would, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care about the girls you are dating.
Treat each and every women with respect. Ensure you give them your full attention when you are with them. You should genuinely like and be interested in all the women you are dating, not just be doing it to boost your own ego or brag to your mates.
Don’t be on your phone answering messages from other girls when with her. If tempted, know not responding to the other women will make them more attracted to you, because they’ll wonder what you were up to that night.
You may not have much in common. The relationship is likely to be mainly sexual. For example, as a 33 year old, I don’t have the same interests as a 24 year old, despite enjoying her youthful body, playful personality and high sex drive. However, I still take the time to connect with her through conversation, finding out about her life, passions, and desires. As an older man I can also offer her advice based on my own life experience (Only if she asks. I won’t just lecture her for no reason – it’s patronising).
3. Be discrete
Don’t go telling all your friends about who you are dating. If they press you for information, keep details vague, such as “I’m dating a couple of women right now. Just seeing where things will go”. Avoid giving your friends the real names of any of the women.
Don’t brag about your conquests to anyone. No-one likes a show-off, and the more you blab the more chances you have of what you told someone coming back to hurt you or the women you are with.
4. Sub-communicate non-exclusivity
You shouldn’t explicitly mention to a women you are dating other people, at least in the first few months.
At the same time, you can’t lead them to believe they are the only person in your lives. Doing so might get their hopes up that you will eventually commit to them.
You need to indicate to them you are seeing other people, without directly saying so.
How do you do this?
First, always act like a True Alpha. The women you are dating will understand other women will find these traits attractive, and want to date you. This alone will give them an inkling you might be dating more than one person.
Secondly, follow rule 1, ‘Don’t act like a boyfriend’. Being busy, not chatting to her everyday, and not taking her out on expensive dates indicates you are a Lover, and a Lover dates multiple women. She’s read enough romance novels to know the deal.
Finally, counter to the rule below about cleaning your home, you should leave clues that other women have been there. Leave small items such as hair bands or clips in places she can see them.
5. Avoid difficult questions
If she asks you if you are seeing other women, change the subject or give an absurd answer.
Don’t outright lie. The problem with lying is those lies will come round to bite you in the ass eventually. You won’t remember what lie you’ve told who and will be caught out.
When dating multiple women, be as honest as you can be, but learn to dodge and avoid difficult questions.
For example, she asks if you’ve slept with anyone else in the two weeks you’ve known her. Look at her and casually say “Only Ginger and Crystal from the local strip club. But they don’t count because it was a threesome” with a cheeky smile. Giving a humorous or absurd answer diffuses the tension and demonstrates to her you are not willing to answer the question.
She knows it is highly likely you HAVE slept with someone else, but she is willing to overlook it because you haven’t explicitly told her you have. She can create plausible deniability in her mind, allowing her to keep seeing you.
6. Let her know when the time is right
When should you tell her you are dating other women?
There are two schools of thought: tell her right away or wait as long as possible.
I do both, depending upon the personality of the girl. I test the water by dropping hints and watching her reaction. If my hints prompt her to mention not wanting a relationship or that she is dating other guys, then you can BRIEFLY say you understand. Don’t go into details. By acknowledging she is dating other people, she will understand you are too.
If she doesn’t react, or you don’t know where she stands, don’t mention your relationship status or bring it up for as long as possible. Eventually she will demand to know what the deal is (after a few months), and you will have to make a choice. Keep dating other women or decide to become exclusive with her. If you want to remain non-exclusive, then tell her this and let her decide what she wants to do.
Don’t fall into the trap of becoming exclusive boyfriend and girlfriend because she wants it, even if you don’t. This will only lead to you resenting her down the line and an eventual break up. Stay strong in what you want, and let her decide.
7. Give great sex
Give sex. Not have or get, but GIVE. It’s up to you to make sure the women thoroughly enjoys herself and doesn’t regret sleeping with you.
Good sex is not all that common. When a man is able to provide her with it she will keep coming back, even if she would never consider you a boyfriend. This is the ideal position to be in. Great sex makes up for you not willing to commit to her.
Be a dominant lover. Try out new and crazy sex positions. Keep the sex exciting and fresh. Take it outside the bedroom. Try out a toy you’ve always wanted to. Have threesomes. Learn to last more than thirty seconds. Tease her with foreplay. Provide excellent post sex care.
Make sure she orgasms as often as possible, but don’t put too much pressure on making it happen. Some girls find it difficult to cum with a new guy. Instead just ensure you are giving her pleasure, not just making her pleasure you all the time.
I am very open about sex when I’m dating women. I talk about what I like and ask them what they like. It is important to me we are both enjoying ourselves. The more open and non-judgemental you are, the more likely she is to stick around and have adventurous sex with you.
8. Don’t feel guilty
As a nice guy, I used to suffer from guilt about sleeping with multiple women at the same time. I worried I would hurt them or I was doing something wrong. This is classic nice guy mentality.
Understand women date multiple men too. Getting a date is not as challenging for women as it is for a guy. Women, even the less attractive ones, get hit on at work and approached in bars. This rarely happens to guys unless they have model good looks or status in that domain.
Women also keep men in the friend zone to give them little ego boosts. They know these guys would sleep with them at a drop of a hat, but deny them. There’s nothing wrong with this, I’m just explaining how it is. As a women, she is the chooser and normally has the power when it comes to men, certainly before she sleeps with you.
So don’t feel guilty for dating multiple women. When both of your understand the score and are happy with the arrangement, you’ll often find it is a more fulfilling relationship due to the increase in trust, inability to cheat, and open communication required.
9. Don’t get attached
A big mistake is getting too attached to one women, and dropping all the rest. Or only to be dating two women, and then have one fall away.
If you feel you are getting too attached to one women you are effectively changing your non-verbal agreement with her from Lover to potential boyfriend. This is fine if you want to become her exclusive boyfriend, but if you don’t, you are causing problems for yourself.
10. Keep track of what you’ve talked about
Going on lots of dates, and talking to lots of women, it becomes difficult to remember what you’ve talked about and what they’ve said to you.
It sounds incredibly contrived (and you should never tell them this), but keep a spreadsheet. Note down key things they’ve mentioned. Dates they are away, important parts of their childhood, what they do for a job, what their passions are. Interesting things they’ve done in the week. Where and when they are next going on holiday.
Remember, you aren’t doing this for your benefit, you are doing it because you genuinely care about them and want show you listen to them.
I once met a therapist who could always remember very specific things about people and seemed to have an incredible memory. His trick was to spend five minutes after meeting a client and note down anything he remembered from the session. Before he met them again he would review the notes. It made his patients feel like he really listened to them.
Review your notes before you see the women, and update it after you’ve seen them.
11. Don’t see them more than once a week
To prevent yourself becoming attached, and more importantly to prevent her becoming too attached to you, don’t see her more than once a week. This gives you plenty of time to schedule other dates.
Extend this time period to once every two weeks if you feel she is getting too attached. Again, this sub-communicates to her you are a busy guy (she’ll start to miss you which increases attraction and ensures she doesn’t get bored of you) and that you aren’t attempting to be her boyfriend.
12. Do keep looking for other women
When dating multiple women, they will come and go. You have to constantly be looking for new women to bring into your fold as replacements. I do this via online dating but also meeting people when I’m out.
Doing so keeps you skills sharp, and builds your confidence. Plus, when you get to the stage where you are sleeping with five or more women simultaneously, you will naturally be very busy, thus increasing your mystery. When they ask you on a date and you say the only night you have free this week is Thursday (and it’s true) their curiosity will peak.
In a women’s mind she thinks “He’s busy and in demand. People must like him. Therefore I have made the right decision to like him.”
13. Don’t get jealous of her dating other men
Don’t get bitter when they leave you because they want to settle down into an exclusive relationship. You chose not to date them exclusively and have no right to get annoyed or angry when they leave you.
Similarly, you must not react negatively when they mention other men they are seeing. They often won’t, but sometimes will to make you jealous. Remain non-reactive.
14. Clean up after yourself
Dating multiple women means several women coming over to your house a week to have sex.
Go through your pre-date ritual before a girl comes over to remove evidence of other women. Change the sheets, empty the bathroom waste basket, and tidy up. Even though the women know you are dating others, she doesn’t want her face rubbed in it by seeing evidence.
Imagine how you would feel if you were dating a girl and noticed an open condom wrapper on her bedroom floor. Yes, you know she is seeing other men, but the sight of the wrapper is going to play on your mind no matter how comfortable you were with the whole non-exclusive deal to begin with.
Dating multiple women satisfies the male drive to have a variety of sexual partners. It also prevents you from becoming too needy towards one women, increasing your chances of making her your girlfriend should you wish.
The sense of confidence you get from dating multiple women truly is incredible. Imagine how outcome independent you would be on a first date if you know you are already sleeping with five women. Your date will sense your confidence and be naturally attracted to you.
The expression “It’s easier to get a girlfriend when you already have one” is absolutely true.